


Put your head on my shoulder

by Aniloracat



Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Bipolar Disorder, Childishness, Domestic Sobbe, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, I'm so sorry, Insecurity, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Robbe's POV, Self-Esteem Issues, Sexual Tension, Some Angst (only first chapters), Some Unhealthy Behaviors, Thought I'd written an interesting story, Typical roommates problems, Your typical enemies to lovers fanfic, but in quarantine, but re-read and turns out it's all about sobbe and house chores lmfao, communicating, quarantine fic, wtFOCKdown AU (kind of)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:40:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 24,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24079126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aniloracat/pseuds/Aniloracat
Summary: Because of some past mistakes and communication issues, Robbe and Sander can't stand each other anymore, until they are "forced" to stay in quarantine alone and face their feelings.*📌 Or the enemies to lovers, roommates, quarantine fanfic nobody asked for 😅📌 Title based on Paul Anka's song 'Put your head in my shoulder'
Relationships: Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Comments: 89
Kudos: 237





	1. Intro

**Author's Note:**

> Okay... So I started writing this weeks ago but never finished it bcs WTFockdown came to bless our lives! But now that it's over :( and quarantine was extended in my country, I decided to finish it. I wasn't sure if posting this was a good idea, but I hope that at least some people are interested in reading something like this and that it doesn't sucks too much lol. It'll be something short, probably no more than 15k words, and I've already written 10k so it's almost done. 
> 
> IMPORTANT: This happens in quarantine, but it's not really focused in the quarantine or its implications (like who needs to read that right now??), it just your typical romance fanfic. That's all, it's nothing really deep, I would even say this fanfic it's pretty unrealistic, just for fun. I hope I don't upset the people who are having a really hard time. My best wishes for you all!! 
> 
> Also, I'm not from Belgium, so I based this fanfic in the exp I'm having in my country.

_Put your head on my shoulder_  
_Whisper in my ear, baby_  
_Words I want to hear_  
_Tell me, tell me that you love me too (tell me that you love me too)_

**M** ilan closed the main door behind him, leaving Robbe and Sander alone in the flat. Robbe swallowed with difficulty and looked at his roommate, only to find him looking back at him. Both of them looked at each other almost warily, like expecting the other to do something first. It would be funny, ridiculous, but Robbe wasn’t amused.

This wasn’t a good idea.

What was he doing!?

Sander was the first to make a movement and Robbe caught his intention instantly. He opened his mouth with the intention of saying something. What? Robbe had no idea, but he wasn’t staying around to hear it. He turned around and quickly walked towards his room, locking himself inside.

He paced around, thinking over and over this was bad idea. Should he leave too? This was an unprecedented situation, that could change at any moment, but it was obvious he would be stuck at home for some weeks. With Sander. He didn’t know what to do and couldn’t think straight either.

Could they make it!?

Should he return home to his mom?

Milan had returned home before the situation got too bad, leaving the two of them behind. Sander had announced he would quarantine here and even though Robbe knew about it, he didn’t make a move to go home like Milan.

Because of college, Robbe had moved to Antwerp a couple of years ago and since his mom had stayed behind taking care of his grandmother, Robbe shared a flat with Milan and Sander.

But now they were alone.

He just couldn’t calm himself. His rationality always seemed to leave him when it came to Sander Driesen and that only made this situation even scarier.

More than six months ago, his life was good, happy, a bit too peaceful, but really good. When Robbe moved to Antwerp, he was a bit scared after leaving his mom behind to start living on his own, but he quickly found some sort of family in his new, amazing roommates, Milan, Zoë and Senne.

Robbe lived peacefully with them over year, until Zoë and Senne decided to move out to a flat of their own, already planning their future together. Although a bit sad for seeing them leave, Robbe felt happy for them. Milan was a big mess, after all, he’d lived with Zoë since she was in high school, more than three years ago.

Then Sander Driesen came and moved in, only to disrupt everything and turn his whole world upside-down…

Sander Driesen was your most typical cliché. One of those art students with edgy styles and attitudes, and pretentious tastes in music and art. Robbe wasn’t sure he had a “type” before him, but when he saw Sander, he remembered thinking he had exactly all the things he had been looking for, even though he wasn’t even aware of it.

It was like destiny had sent him with the only purpose of messing him up. A fucking trap he fell for willingly.

Something in him fascinated Robbe from the start and he was easily charmed by the stupid, cliché artsy vibes he radiated. It still embarrassed him just thinking about it. Sander wasn’t just looks or appearances though. Nope. Robbe soon discovered his personality was as charming and fascinating, and Robbe was pulled by him, so strongly and easily he ended up panicking.

It was like finding out he was being dragged by something powerful, scary and unknown… He ended up panicking and trying to pull away desperately, stubbornly, all his insecurities and fears fueling him.

It had been a long time since Robbe had discovered and accepted he was gay, but he still felt too inexperienced and insecure, because besides some awkward, useless experiences he had, he still was as green as a teenager. While everyone around had a lot of experiences and fun in high school, Robbe didn’t have any of that.

He was on his second year of college and he hadn’t been in a relationship, ever, for fuck’s sake.

And Sander? The way Sander easily, confidently flirted with him made Robbe realize he was a guy who knew what he wanted and went for it without even thinking about it. The way he carried himself told him he was experienced, way more experienced than Robbe, so how could he get himself into something like that?

The thought of embarrassing himself in some way or Sander realizing Robbe was too boring and innocent was too much, enough to make him pull away.

He was shy and insecure and apprehensive, someone who hadn’t been any good in expressing his thoughts and feelings, ever. And he also had some issues, like the trauma he still carried because of his parents’ marriage and divorce while he was a teenager.

After seeing his father, someone who Robbe loved and respected, break his mom heart just like that, he stopped caring about love and all of that shit that only hurt. When Sander came and hit him hard, the possibility of something happening like that scared him. If his dad was capable of doing something so cold and heartless, what he could he expect of some guy, really?

Maybe he was overthinking, _way ahead_ in the future, but he couldn’t help it. Sander wasn’t like some of the guys he’d met in high school, barely memorable or interesting. Nope. He knew deep inside he was different, and he was the first guy he truly liked.

The only way he found to “save himself” was putting a wall between them. While Sander was charming, kind and friendly, Robbe started answering with coldness and avoidance. What else he could do? It wasn’t like he would tell him about his deepest fears.

He always felt a pang of guilt and regret on his chest every time he remembered his behavior back then, which effectively deteriorated their fragile, new “friendship” into nothingness.

Sander wasn’t an idiot that would let himself be treated with coldness without a reason. He initially pushed and persisted but when he noticed Robbe was determined in keeping that attitude, he backed off and left him alone.

After those awkward, uncomfortable moments, how could they just be friends? How?

It was impossible.

Because of his stupid insecurities, Robbe had even managed to screw up a potential good friendship too. Maybe if he handed things better, they could still have been friends, since it wasn’t like they actually did something. But no, he ruined everything.

Unfortunately, all of it was for nothing.

More than six months had gone by and he still felt the same. So Robbe regretted it, regretted it so bad, but it was too late now. The fears that seemed rational and acceptable back then, now seemed stupid, childish fears after everything that had happened.

Every time he remembered he felt stupid, and almost wanted to slap himself.

Every time he saw him, he still felt like that first day he met him, the pull, the fluttering in his heart, the shyness… His efforts were all for nothing, because he still felt like that, and Sander? He’d moved on long ago. 

* * *

He met Sander after a long, tiring day in college. Robbe was completely caught off guard. Who would have thought, in a normal, monotone day, his whole world, the life he knew, would start morphing into something else?

He remembered coming back to the flat completely absorbed in his own thoughts, thinking about some homework, about calling his mom, about dinner…

He didn’t expect to see some random white-haired handsome guy standing in the middle of the living room of his flat on a Tuesday evening.

He remembered stopping on his tracks, looking at him with furrowed brows, as if trying to find some sort of explanation to this shocking, confusing event.

And how could this guy be so good-looking!? It was almost an insult. Robbe stared at him from head to toe, his body felt like it would explode from the maelstrom of feelings… Surprise, curiosity, nervousness, shyness, fascination.

“Hey. You okay there?” The guy asked, his voice laced with amusement. Robbe, who had gone into some sort of trance, jumped and blinked away his daze.

“Yeah, yeah…” Robbe blurted out, blushing so much he felt a steam of hotness all around his head. The guy looked at him from head to toe too and felt pleased when he noticed the guy was shamelessly checking him out.

“You must be Robbe, right? Milan mentioned you.”

Those words were like a slap on his face, and the spell was broken.

“Oh, Milan…?”

“Yeah? Your roommate?” The other guy laughed, his hazel eyes sparkling, taking his breath away.

“Yeah. No.” Robbe rolled his eyes, snorting. What an idiot. If he wasn’t one of Milan’s flings, then what the hell was he supposed to do in here? “I’m sorry, I was a bit distracted… You’re with Milan. Right.” He said to himself.

“ _With_ Milan? You mean like lovers?” The other guy asked, raising his eyebrows. His amused voice made him realize he’d made the wrong assumption.

“No, I meant…” Robbe stumbled over his words and looked away, feeling utterly embarrassed. Fuck!

He’d been living over a year with Milan, but he still felt a bit awkward every time he encountered one of his flings or one-night stands in the flat. But this… was so fucking different, he was different. He made feel him shy. 

“I’m not his boyfriend.” Sander replied with a sudden and very serious, serious face.

Robbe’s stomach dropped. “No, I didn’t mean…”

He opened and closed his mouth multiples times, feeling at loss. The guy suddenly snorted and started laughing at him.

“I’m sorry I…” Robbe started saying, but in that moment, Milan appeared out of nowhere.

“Sorry to keep you waiting!” He said to the mysterious guy, then turned to Robbe with a bright smile. “Robbe! You’re here, good! Look, this is Sander, he came to check out the flat. He’ll probably move in with us!”

He gaped at Sander, who waved and smirked at him.

“Nice to meet you, Robbe!” He happily said.

“Nice to meet you.” Robbe babbled. Milan looked between them with suspicion, noticing something going on between them.

“Did I miss something?”

Sander started laughing again.

“Nothing. It’s just I see Robbe wasn’t expecting me.”

“Oh, yeah, you left this morning before I could tell you about it…” Milan explained looking at Robbe, an eyebrow raised.

“Right.”

Robbe was mortified, but at least the guy wasn’t uncomfortable or something, like a lot of guys felt when they were romantically linked with another guy. He was just smiling at him. Though… he remembered how he had checked him out. Did he imagine it? Definitely not.

Robbe didn’t have to think much about it though. Once Sander moved in, he quickly made clear his tastes and intentions. He just had to throw some looks, some winks, some smiles… for Robbe to understand it all and fall for it like a fool.

Unfortunately, it was a matter of time before Robbe lost his mind and did all sort of stupid things than ruined everything.


	2. Week 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg!! I seriously thought not a lot of people would want to read something like this, but I'm really glad. Thank for your support and I hope it doesn't disappoint :3 Anyway here's the new chapter, it took a few days to edit but it's pretty long. Every chapter is going to be a whole week, so far I've written four weeks, I don't know anymore how many weeks I'm going to write bcs I just want to write some domestic fluff haha. We'll see....
> 
> Warning: Sander and Robbe behaving like stubborn kids. Unbetaed chapter.

**W** hen Robbe started staying away from Sander, he felt safe, like a coward and a horrible person, but he felt safe. That was all that mattered, that was all he kept repeating to himself every time he quivered. _It’s for the best_. But he quickly realized it didn’t matter if he escaped from problems or _people_ , it didn’t matter because he couldn’t escape from himself, from his thoughts and feelings.

It should be something obvious, but it was incredible easy to forget it.

He understood it the day he realized Sander had moved on. From him. It was a horrible day he wouldn’t forget soon enough.

The day Sander arrived to the flat with a girl and introduced her as his girlfriend, Britt. After weeks of Robbe giving him the cold shoulder, Sander started avoiding him too and now he even had a girlfriend. That day was also the exact moment he admitted to himself he had made a terrible mistake. There was no coming back. He effectively destroyed something that could have been good. Or not. He would never know now.

Maybe he’d escaped from Sander, but his feelings towards him, the pain, the jealousy, the regret… there was no escape from that.

Feeling disappointed and hurt because the person he rejected had moved on, made him feel like an extremely terrible and selfish person. After all, hadn’t he brought this on himself? He had no right to feel bad about it! He should be happy for Sander, happy because thankfully, he’d moved on and that meant Robbe didn’t really affect him with his stupidity.

But he still felt like shit anyway.

That was the nice, amazing person Robbe hadn’t appreciated and treated well because of his stupid fears. But this was just life. If you didn’t take the opportunities life gave you, they just moved on and you lost them forever. Understanding that hurt like hell.

He also discovered that his fears and insecurities were stupid and pointless. They were supposed to drive him away from the pain, but he still ended up like this. What was the fucking point of listening to them? It was all pain and more pain. If all was pain, at least he should do what he wanted and desired instead of ruining it and living with these awful regrets.

He allowed himself to wallow in his own misery, pain and regret for a while before he snapped himself out of it. If someone made a terrible mistake, realized it too late and was unable to fix it, what should that person do? Robbe asked himself this question and concluded the only option was accepting the terrible outcome and just keep going forward to the last consequences, without going back.

It was too late for him and Sander, but Robbe forced himself to take the experience as harsh lesson, something to help him to confront his fears, his insecurities, start experimenting and freeing himself.

Milan helped him a lot because, while Robbe had always been a shy and insecure guy who didn’t know what he wanted and didn’t let himself experience relationships, Milan was the opposite of him. Loud, proud and confident of who he was.

So he gave himself the chance to meet new people with the intention of opening himself, opening his feelings. He managed to meet a couple of guys and involved himself in good physical relationships. But that was it. The results were somewhat bittersweet, because besides of feeling a bit more confident and experienced, he wasn’t able to feel _something_.

Opening his feelings to those guys just feel wrong. He really tried it but was unable to and that only frustrated him, because that made him realize that, unlike like Milan who just enjoyed his sexuality without a problem, Robbe didn’t feel comfortable being with people he didn’t feel some sort of connection. So he had no choice but stop and come back to the same place he’d started.

The place where he acknowledged he still liked Sander, so much it hurt. The place where he acknowledged his stupid, selfish, masochistic heart still yearned something that couldn’t have anymore. It was an outcome that frustrated and saddened him, but at the same time knew he deserved so he just endured it.

Problem was the effect Sander had over him was so strong Robbe didn’t trust himself around him, and the thought of Sander finding out he actually liked him, considering all the effort he had put in driving him away, was really scary.

It wouldn’t make any sense and Sander would probably think he’d lost his mind or was playing games with him, an outcome he was determined to avoid. So how he would do that? Keeping the stupid, ridiculous façade he’d put on till the end. There was no going back.

This time he wouldn’t try to keep Sander away from him, he would keep himself away from him. And it wasn’t like his roommate would even want to have something to do with him, thanks to that and Britt it would be easy.

Because after he started dating Britt, things got incredibly awkward and tense between them. Robbe couldn’t stand seeing him, or his girlfriend, and much less the two of them together because it only brought out the worst of him, all the frustration and anger he had.

Maybe that awkward situation detonated some kind of defense mechanism in him, because all of the sudden all the stuff Robbe found endearing in Sander became annoying. It was way too easy venting out the frustration he felt than dealing with the pain and regret he felt.

His open hostility towards him was so evident that even Milan couldn’t stay away from it anymore. He’d noticed something between them had gone very wrong, but after Robbe refused to talk about it, he had no other choice but to leave him alone.

But this? They were like two kids who couldn’t stand each other anymore, fighting over the most stupid things that Milan eventually had to intervene. That’s when things calmed down and they both started ignoring each other again to the point he didn’t even know what was going with Sander anymore. He felt better, but not better enough, because he couldn’t forget about him.

* * *

Robbe woke up still feeling at loss, he stared at the ceiling of his room, wondering what he should do now. He'd spent hours thinking and remembering painful, sad things. Since Milan left Robbe spent most of the day locked on his room and avoided Sander like a ninja. He didn’t even know what was going on with him. Should just go home? He couldn’t fucking decide! And he definitely didn’t want to know the reason. 

He silently got out of his room when he started to get hungry and immediately saw Sander in the kitchen. Robbe almost turned back to his room. It had been a long time since he had allowed himself to think about everything that had happened between them so, having to face him after a long night of memories and feelings, made him feel weirdly shy, uncomfortable, in pain.

He stood there taking in the boy with the tousled white hair still using pajamas, some bright orange t-shirt and black shorts. It had been a long fucking time since he encountered a scene like this. Sander out of his edgy, dark clothes, only a soft looking boy still half-asleep.

It reminded him of those times, every morning he would leave his room and Sander would be there, making his heart flutter when he offered him a bright smile or when Robbe watched him happily sing while he cooked.

But the Sander that received him was sitting all casual and cool in the kitchen table having some breakfast. He wasn’t smiling, he just had his eyebrows raised as he watched Robbe approach.

“You’re still here!? I seriously thought you just had left without even saying goodbye.” He said snorting derisively.

Robbe felt extremely embarrassed but acted casual and just shrugged, going straight to the fridge to take some milk.

“So this is the plan?” His roommate asked in a bored voice. Robbe paused but didn’t turn around to face him. “Are we going to ignore each other all the time?”

“Well, that’s what we usually do, no?” Robbe said taking the milk out of the fridge.

What was going on with him? What he wanted? Robbe had no idea. Robbe had no idea how he should deal with him. He’d been avoiding Sander for months and suddenly, they were stuck in this situation…

“Well, that’s true. It’s been ages since we talked like this. But now we’ll be stuck here together…” He said, as if he’d read his mind.

“So?” Robbe asked, focusing on filling a plate with cereal and milk. He wasn’t even able to look him at the eyes and his heart is racing so fucking much. 

“Let’s try to get along! Milan isn’t here to babysit us anymore.” Sander suggested, but Robbe couldn’t tell if he was being serious or not.

“Get along? Right.” Robbe shook his head off. “Let’s just stay away from each other way and we’ll be fine.” He said, finally looking at Sander’s eyes, those hazel, intense orbs he hadn’t seen so close in what felt ages.

His roommate sighed and rolled his eyes. “Then you should just go home before it’s too late.”

Robbe scowled and blurted out, “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Why do you have to be so fucking stubborn?” Sander asked looking at the ceiling with exasperation.

“Whatever.” With that, Robbe took his bowl and walked away from the kitchen.

Before could go into his room, Sander said behind him, “Robbe, I just want to live in peace, okay?”

Robbe turned and looked at him, nodding. “Fine. I’ll just mind my own business. You do the same.”

“Okay, okay, if that’s you want.”

* * *

Staying away from Sander was exactly what he wanted, which didn’t make any sense because, well… he was still here. But at least he agreed with him in something, he just wanted to live in peace too and that would be exactly what he would do inside his bedroom.

It wouldn’t be difficult keeping himself busy. He was stuck at home, but he still had online courses, homework and a lot of reading to do.

Robbe had always took school very seriously and now… he took it as if his life depended on it, staying in his bedroom the whole day, only leaving to grab something to eat and go to the bathroom.

The flat was eerily quiet and Robbe would have felt disturbed and all alone in the world if he hadn’t video called his friends and mom or if Sander didn’t leave his stupid mess of dishes in the sink to make his presence known. 

It seemed it would be a long, quiet quarantine. And Robbe was perfectly fine with that or so he repeated to himself over and over.

Then Sander started playing his stupid music.

The stupid, pretentious music he liked so much. It was like he was screaming _I’m still here!_ Bowie. Queen. Rolling Stones. Elton John. For hours.

Robbe gritted his teeth, realizing he’d been reading the same page for nearly twenty minutes because his mind kept wondering what the hell that guy was doing.

But he refused to fight over something so stupid. It was just music. He could use his headphones. It was okay.

He put on his headphones, but when that didn’t tune out the sound, he grew frustrated. What about living in peace? It had been two days since Sander said that, and now he fucking did this?

But a second day went by and the fucking music wouldn’t stop for hours. Was it his imagination or it was even louder today? Using headphones didn’t really help to do his homework in peace, because he couldn’t stop thinking about that guy doing whatever he wanted out there.

But he kept avoiding Sander like the plague, only going out of his room after making sure Sander wasn’t around. Maybe he really wanted to annoy him, but he wouldn’t fall for it.

On the third day though, he stood up after he felt a new surge of annoyance. What did he pretend? Playing his music during the whole lockdown? Was he really trying to mess with him?

He got out of his bedroom, looked around and saw Sander, for the first time in days, monopolizing the living room with his art supplies. This was the place with the most natural light in the flat, so he probably didn’t have a choice but work here on his stupid art.

Robbe stopped for a moment, watching Sander completely focused on whatever he was working on his easel, his hand moving in graceful, firm movements.

He remembered the time when Sander mentioned he was studying Visual Arts and that he loved painting so much. He even openly suggested to Robbe he would love having a model as gorgeous as him or something like that. Robbe had laughed, thinking Sander was only joking as always, until he saw Sander’s soft smile and eyes as he watched him laugh. Things fell apart before Robbe could even consider it.

He shook his head, forcing himself out of his daze. 

Swallowing hard, he walked until he stood in front of Sander. After he folded his arms and put his best scowl on his face, Sander looked up at him with a blank expression, the music still playing in the background. Robbe kept glaring at him without doing anything until he succeeded in forcing Sander into turning the music down.

“What’s up?” He casually asked.

Robbe sighed. “Okay, we need some rules.”

Sander made a face. “Rules? What for?”

“We’re stuck here together… you have your habits and I have mine so… I’ve been trying to study and your… music won’t let me focus.”

Sander scoffed. “I love doing this, but I’m not just having fun here. It’s schoolwork too.”

“I know, okay? Maybe try to turn your music down a bit? Or use some headphones?”

“I won’t paint using headphones! And it’s not really that loud.”

“I can’t concentrate!” Robbe snapped, already starting to lose his patience because Sander kept looking at him with that nonchalant expression. 

“Well, I can’t concentrate without my music. What do you want me to do? I usually paint on my studio at the institute but…” He shrugged.

“Don’t be such a diva!”

“You’re the one who’s being a diva. Why do _I_ have to do what _you_ want?”

“And why do _I_ have to do what _you_ want!? I already tried using my fucking headphones but that’s not enough!”

“What do you want me to do then?” Sander scoffed, sending him that amused look that always irked Robbe. “We’re both living here. I know that must be difficult to you, but you have to learn to coexist with other people.”

Robbe opened his mouth, but closed it again, deciding to ignore the jab. He breathed in for a moment, carefully thinking his next words. “That’s why I told you we should set some rules.”

“Right. Rules.” Sander rolled his eyes. “Wouldn’t those be _your_ rules? I would end up doing what you want anyway.”

“I thought you said you wanted to live in peace.”

“Yeah, by getting along and making agreements… Not through imposed rules.” 

“Rules are like agreements! You would put rules too.”

“I’m fine with whatever you do as long as you don’t try to tell me what to do. I don’t need rules.”

Robbe raised his eyebrows. “Oh, really? I guess we’ll see if that’s true in the next few days.”

Sander noticed his odd voice and said, “Look, no one has come to complain about my music, so it can’t be that loud. I think you’re just trying find some excuse to annoy me.” Sander replied raising his eyebrows.

“Fine! Do whatever you want. I’ll do the same.” Robbe said turning around to make his way back to his room.

He jumped a bit when the door of his bedroom slammed behind him, then sighed scrubbing his hands against his face. 

Sometimes he didn’t know if he was being childish and petulant or if Sander was really trying to annoy him. But this was an outcome he was somewhat responsible of, after all, he was the one who started behaving like a stupid brat who provoked Sander and started a cycle that Milan had to break. But now Milan wasn’t here, so they would have to behave like adults on their own.

He thought some rules would work, but it seemed Sander really hated being told what to do, or more like, the problem was that he hated the idea of Robbe trying to boss him around. Milan never even needed rules, he just was way more persuasive and nicer than Robbe. But the idea of having a friendly, normal conversation with Sander seemed nearly… unfathomable because he always felt awkward around him and he couldn’t help but mask his awkwardness with seriousness or annoyance.

“Milan, I really miss you.” Robbe said later that night. It seemed like Milan had read his mind because he had video called a while ago to see how things were going in the flat. “I’ll go crazy here with that annoying guy.”

Milan smiled. “Are you two fighting a lot?”

“Uh… not that much? But I guess the more time we spend locked in here the more fights we’ll have. He’s so fucking loud and lazy!”

Milan laughed. “You two will be fine, I wouldn’t worry too much.”

“How can you say that!? I think we’ll end up strangling each other, I can’t stand him.”

“We both know that’s not even true.” He said, giving Robbe a pointed look who just looked away in embarrassment.

They really never talked about it, but Robbe was kind of aware that Milan was aware of his crush with Sander. It’s just Robbe refused to talk to him about it. Maybe if he had talked to Milan first instead of listening to his panicked thoughts and feelings, everything would have been different.

“Anyway, I trust you’ll both use this quarantine to fix things.”

“What!?” He asked in shock. “Fix things?”

“You’re both locked in there together. Something is bound to happen eventually, just make sure it’s something that make things right. You’ve been dragging this thing you have with Sander too much, don’t you think?”

“Milan…” Robbe started but trailed off, feeling speechless.

“Don’t worry, I know it’ll be okay.” He tried to reassure him. After Mila left the topic alone and that they started talking about other stuff, but Robbe was already anxious, only thinking about his roommate.

He barely slept that night, still thinking about Milan’s words. Fix things with Sander? He’d even stopped considering that possibility long ago. Even if Sander miraculously would be willing to fix things with him for some inexplicable reason, Robbe didn’t think he could do it.

Not because he didn’t want it. No, he yearned it, he wanted to go back so much it almost hurt, but he didn’t think he deserved a second chance after his big screw up.

But he stayed anyway. Maybe because he thought he would be able to see him even just a little after weeks of barely seeing him. But could that be all? Maybe deep inside, he really hoped they could fix things. Unfortunately, his confused feelings always got the best of him.

* * *

Robbe was seriously considering returning to his room and never coming out again. He’d decided he would try to take things with calm instead of trying to control everything, but unfortunately, the house chores that were accumulating wouldn’t care about his hopes. They’d been locked here for only a few days and the kitchen was a fucking mess already.

The first couple of days he saw Sander’s dishes and gritted his teeth, hoping his roommate would take care of it. A day later, he had no choice but clean everything. Another day later he refused to take care of Sander’s mess again, hoping he would do it on his own, but he’d ignored it too and well…

He gloomily stared at the dirty dishware in the sink and the general mess around the kitchen and living room. It was all Sander’s fault.

Behaving like adults? What a joke. It seemed he was like a messy, lazy little kid that still had to be told to clean his own mess.

Robbe liked control and order, that’s why it hadn’t been difficult living on his own. He had always been disciplined and proactive, always helping his flatmates with cleaning and even cooking. Unfortunately, he was terrible at cooking so that didn’t count for much, but he tried anyway. 

Sander was the opposite of him. He was chaotic, lazy, and also hated, hated being told what to do. He loved cooking and was good at it but hated doing the dishes or any kind of cleaning. Milan was way more persuasive and charming than Robbe, so he’d managed to make him cooperate. But now…

He looked at Sander’s door. He really didn’t want to talk to him, he didn’t want to fight with him. But…

Robbe helplessly sighed and walked towards Sander’s room. It was so fucking annoying having to be the annoyed roommate once again.

“Sander.” He called, knocking the door one, two, three times. Was this guy ignoring him?

The door was abruptly opened, and Sander came out, looking half-asleep, his messy hair pointing in every direction. But Robbe wasn’t looking at that, he was focused in the fact that his roommate was only wearing some short boxers that barely covered anything. Moving on their own, his eyes shamelessly roamed every bit of naked, soft looking skin. It was the first time he saw so much of him and he was just…

“What?”

Startled and in panic, Robbe woke up and looked up at Sander’s face, feeling all his face in flames. He almost sighed with relief when he saw Sander was busy rubbing his face and hadn’t noticed his slip.

“I’m sorry….” Robbe stumbled over his words. “I didn’t know you were…”

Sander finally looked at him. He didn’t appear to be upset, but he wasn’t happy either.

“What?” He repeated again.

“I just wanted to talk about the chores.” Robbe awkwardly said, feeling stupid.

The annoyance that had made him go looking for Sander was gone, leaving him feeling a bit guilty and really embarrassed. He really didn’t think Sander would be sleeping since it was noon already. 

“The chores!? What chores?” Sander muttered making a face before groaning. “At least let me have a cup of coffee first.” 

Robbe sighed, nodded his head and walked back to the kitchen, it wasn’t like he had another choice. Sander sighed too and went back to his room. Robbe thought the guy wouldn’t come back, but to his surprise he did came out. Dressed. He looked down for a moment, trying to swallow his disappointment.

Sander sent him a tired look that seemed to say “ _You’re annoying_ ” and shook his head before calmly making himself a coffee. Robbe nearly scoffed in incredulity but refrained. 

However, he grew anxious with each silent second that passed. They were so close, in such small place. And his roommate was focused on his coffee, but Robbe didn’t dare to speak, too afraid of fighting again.

He really didn’t want to be the annoying roommate again, but what he could do? He was helpless. As much as he wanted to live in peace with Sander, he wouldn’t be the idiot who would take care of everything for him.

“Aren’t you going to speak?” Sander finally said, making Robbe jump out of his thoughts.

“Uhh…”

“You said something about some chores? What chores?”

Robbe sighed and nodded towards the sink. Sander followed his gaze and groaned.

“You woke me up for _this_?” He protested, then narrowed his eyes. “You’re really trying to annoy me, aren’t you?”

Robbe scowled. “I think you’re the one who’s trying to annoy me.”

“What?”

“Just look at this place! It’s a fucking mess already.”

Sander looked around then back at Robbe, casually sipping his coffee without saying anything. He missed the days when he would think Sander was so cool and chill when he acted like this, because now it just annoyed him, it gave him the sensation he was doing it on purpose to irk him.

“Aren’t you going to say something?”

Sander rolled his eyes. “The dishes won’t go anywhere. What’s the rush?”

“I don’t care…! I just want you to help me with the chores. I’m not cleaning your mess again.”

“What’s the point? We’re stuck here, having a cleaner place won’t make this prettier. And it’s not like you need a lot of clean dishes or something, you barely cook and always use the microwave, so why do you even care? Just leave them there, I’ll wash them when I feel like it.”

This shameless and lazy guy… Robbe wanted to scream, but breathed in. 

“Well, yeah, we’re stuck in here, but I think it’s preferable to live in a clean place.” He tried to reason with him.

Sander wasn’t moved though, he just snorted.

“Well, I don’t care. Go take a look at my room, I’m not lying.” Sander smirked. “Nobody asked you to clean anyway. _I_ didn’t force _you_ , so why are you trying to force _me_? Keep cleaning or don’t but leave me out of it.”

Robbe folded his arms and glared at Sander.

“Look I don’t want to fight. It’s just you lock yourself in your room the whole day like I don’t even exist and then you just expect me to do whatever you want.”

“I wouldn’t have to tell you anything if you wouldn’t behave like a kid who can’t even clean up his mess.”

“You don’t have to say anything to me. I’ll do them, but not when you want me to.” Sander said, folding his arms too.

“Well, I’m not doing anything anymore. What’s the point? I barely cook, right?” Robbe smirked. “I’ll just wash the dishes I need.”

Sander just scoffed and rolled his eyes, like Robbe was the one behaving like a stubborn, annoying kid. Robbe scoffed too and stormed out of the kitchen. “I guess we’ll talk again after this place is like dump.”

Robbe said that but unfortunately, he ended up washing the dishes alone later. He just couldn’t help it. He looked at Sander who was in the living room with his music, calmly painting. After a moment, his roommate looked at him too and just shook his head in exasperation as he focused on his work again. Robbe shook his head too and focused on the dishes again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe it's pretty obvious but when I wrote this I was venting out my own frustration at some of my housemates attitudes HAHA. Also I don't know if this chapter is as "tense" as I think but don't worry, I'm aware this wouldn't a really healthy way to quarantine, so next chapter things start to get a bit better ^_^ 
> 
> Important clarification: Sander's not with Britt anymore.
> 
> Thank uuu!! xoxo


	3. Week 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos and feedback!!! I was really happy reading all the comments in the last chapter, even if it was to tell Sander was being really annoying lmfao... Anyway, here's the chapter, because of homework took me a bit to edit it but it's pretty long. I'm already working on the next so I can upload it within the week! 
> 
> Warnings: Angst, a lot of talking about house chores lmao, Unbeta'ed chapter

**“W** hat do we have here?” Sander said, as soon as he a foot on the living room Robbe had monopolized this time around. “You’re actually _out_ of your room?” He asked in a mockingly surprised tone.

Robbe had actually noticed the weight of Sander’s stare long ago but didn’t dare to look at him. Instead, he kept his eyes fixed on the screen, mindlessly moving his fingers on the game controller, making his character run without purpose. His friends took advantage and started shooting at him.

“Oh, you’re playing those videogames for kids.” Sander commented looking at the screen.

“This is not for kids. How old are you anyway? Fifty?” Robbe scoffed just as he blew the head off of Aaron’s character, blood and tissue spattering everywhere.

That was mere luck. He barely could concentrate with Sander stare on him and having to listen to his friends saying stupid things over the headphones.

“Shooting people on the head. Nice! That’s looks really fun.” Sander commented. 

“They’re not people, just characters, _mom_.” Robbe rolled his eyes. When Sander didn’t say anything and just kept staring at the screen Robbe had no choice but leave alone his character, take his headphones off and look at him, “Do you need something? I can’t play with you looking over my shoulder.”

Sander looked at him with a crooked smile, raising what Robbe recognized as his painting stuff.

“ _Oh_! You wanted to paint?” Robbe asked with feigned surprise. “Sorry…? I’m playing with my friends. Hope you don’t mind.” He said with feigned innocence, barely repressing the smirk that wanted to take over his face.

Sander stared at him for a moment before snorting and shrugging. “Not at all. You’re honoring me with the pleasure of your company.” He easily replied with an amused voice.

Robbe paused, feeling a mix of surprise, annoyance and disappointment. What the heck? As Robbe watched Sander calmly get ready his stuff to paint, he had the sensation his roommate had won, somehow. Sander didn’t seem annoyed or even tried to fight over this either.

Why? This should be good, right? But it made him felt annoyed anyway. How could he not feel annoyed? Sander put him through a bit of a hell last week and although Robbe wasn’t playing games just for the sake of annoying him (it was Sunday, he had finished all his homework and a whole afternoon of gaming) this had felt like a good opportunity for payback.

But maybe this wasn’t only about payback.

Could it be he just wanted some kind of excuse to bicker with Sander? It seemed he this desperate to have some kind of interaction with him, even if it wasn’t precisely over something positive. Fuck. This wasn’t good at all. A confused mess, that was he felt like right now.

“I hope I don’t bother you either.” Sander suddenly said but by his tone Robbe could tell he wasn’t being serious. “Is it okay?”

“It’s okay. Have fun painting that pretentious, aesthetic shit only you understand.” Robbe said returning his eyes to the screen.

“So fucking cliché. That’s precisely something someone like you would say.”

“Someone like me?”

“Someone who doesn’t even have a clue about art.”

Robbe only rolled his eyes, put back his headphones and resumed his playing with Jens cursing in the background, asking what the fuck he was doing.

He tried to not look very happy as he felt the weight of Sander’s glares when Robbe started laughing too loud at the stupid things his friends said while they played or cursing every time he was killed. This served him right.

* * *

Robbe tensed and panicked as soon as he heard Sander’s bedroom door opening. Great. Just fucking great. One of the infinite disadvantages of having a roommate, an annoying, nosy roommate, was that you couldn’t experiment a little in the kitchen without him finding out.

“What is going on?” He heard Sander ask coming out of his room, probably because the stench of burned food.

“None of your business!” Robbe exclaimed, hurrying to put the casserole back into the oven. A fucking mess, that what it was! His roommate couldn’t see this. His movements were so hurried and clumsy he ended up burning his hand and cursing out loud.

“What?” Sander asked in alarm.

Robbe was busy grunting from the pain and involuntary shaking his hand as if that would ease the pain.

“What happened?”

Robbe looked up to see Sander approaching him with a startled expression.

“Oven.” He muttered.

“Let me see.” Sander said when he tried to take a look and Robbe took an involuntary step away.

Sander carefully took his arm, and both examined his hand. The skin of his knuckles was slightly burned.

“It’s not that bad.” Sander sighed and Robbe nodded. “You should have stuck to your cookies sandwiches. What were you trying to do?” Sander joked.

Robbe shook his head, smiling in embarrassment without even noticing. They both looked up at the same time, staring directly at each other. Robbe swallowed hard, his little smile quickly disappearing as he stared at Sander, who was smiling a bit too.

His pain had subsided a bit and now he could focus on Sander’s hazel eyes, his worried expression and his calloused, warm fingers on the skin of his forearm and hand as he held it tenderly between his hands. Robbe’s skin felt tingly and warm.

“Come, you have to cool it quickly with water.” Sander hurried him, after Robbe just stared at him like an idiot as blood pooled and warmed his cheeks.

“I can do it myself.” Robbe mumbled. Without even thinking it, he brusquely snatched back his hand and went to the sink to put his hand under the tap. The water eased his pain, but he was far from relieved, his mind on the boy behind him.

A few minutes went on, Robbe wasn’t even sure if Sander was still there because he wasn’t saying anything. At the end, he had to turn around anyway and he still was there.

Sander was casually leaning against a counter, his arms folded as he watched Robbe, his jaw was clenched as he pierced Robbe with his darkened gaze. Robbe’s heart stuttered, it had been a long time since Robbe had seen Sander truly upset. He could deal with a sarcastic Sander, an annoyed Sander, a shameless Sander but this Sander in front of him… He was truly upset.

This reminded him of the days when their good relationship was on the edge of a cliff and Robbe kept pushing as Sander kept giving him more and more of those looks. That’s when he started to realize that maybe he was reaching a breaking point, but he didn’t stop, not until was too late.

“It’s fine now.” Robbe said in a small voice. Sander only nodded.

An awkward, long silence extended between them. But Robbe’s head was loud and alarmed, he kept thinking he should apologize or say something.

“Do you really hate me that much?” Sander suddenly said startling Robbe out of worried his thoughts. 

“I was only trying to help you, but it seems you can’t even stand me touching you.”

Robbe stared at him dumbfounded, scared and lost…

“I’m tired.” He muttered, shaking his head.

“Tired?” Robbe said through the lump of his throat. 

“Of fighting over stupid things all the fucking time.”

Robbe couldn’t help but scoff, feeling his anger rise. “You’re the one who’s been annoying me all the fucking week.”

Sander blew out a weak, bitter laugh. “I wasn’t trying to annoy you. It just happens we’re stuck here, and I really like loud music and I’m lazy as fuck when it comes to house chores. That’s all.”

“That didn’t seem to be the case when I asked you in a _reasonably_ manner to do something about it.” Robbe replied in disbelief. 

Sander nodded scrubbing his hands against his face. “Yeah, I know. I know I did wrong and I’m sorry. It’s just…”

“What?”

“I was pissed off, okay?” Sander snapped a bit too forcefully, his hazel eyes flaring. “After Milan left… I tried to talk to you, I really wanted to live in peace, but you just ignored me and locked yourself in your room. I couldn’t stand the silence, so I put my music and then you came out… and I got angry. That’s what you always do. You avoid me all the time but then you come and argue with me over the most stupid things. But when it’s about talking about important stuff…”

“Important stuff?” He stammered. 

Sander opened and closed his mouth, looking at Robbe for a moment before speaking more calmly than before, “About… find ways to coexist or fixing… whatever this is.”

Robbe lowered his eyes and this time he was unable to speak again. “Why are you even here Robbe? If you can’t even stand me, why you didn’t go home? I just don’t get it. But I can’t do this anymore. I _won’t_ do it anymore. Either ignoring or arguing with each other? It’s bad for me, for both of us.”

Robbe stared at Sander in shock, feeling all small and weak. His stomach hurt, his chest hurt, and his knees felt weak for all the wrong reasons.

“I think it’ll be for the best if I go. Or you go if you want. Or both. I don’t know… I’ll let you decide. But right now, I’ll just…” Sander trailed off before shrugging and walking away from him.

He locked himself in his room, while Robbe just stayed frozen on the spot, still processing what just had happened with a heavy heart and blurry eyes.

* * *

His thoughts were so loud and chaotic Robbe was feeling like he would explode. He couldn’t stop thinking about how he always had to make things difficult to everyone around him. He’d been so focused in staying away from Sander and living a peaceful quarantine that he didn’t even think about how he might be affecting him.

Once again, he was a selfish person, putting first his own needs before anyone else.

But this wasn’t the time to feel pity or anger at himself. This was the time to make a decision. He didn’t exactly know why, but this felt like a crucial moment, that would define everything that would happen between them in the future.

Sander was right. This wasn’t healthy at all. They couldn’t keep doing this. It was true he’d stayed because he kind of wanted to fix things with him but unfortunately, because he didn’t know what to do, he avoided addressing the issue and kept prolonging in the most stupid ways until he felt ready.

But it seemed this was one of those situations you couldn’t keep thinking over and over again or you would end up scaring yourself and finding reasons why you shouldn’t do it.

Sander, for some amazing reason Robbe couldn’t even comprehend, wanted to fix things after all that had happened. That took a heavy weight off from Robbe, since he’d been pretty convinced Sander wanted nothing to do with him anymore, but he still was pretty scared and worried. Did he really deserve this? Maybe not. Maybe he should leave Sander alone.

But the image of him walking out of this flat, finally and completely giving up, was so horrible he just discarded it as soon as it appeared. If he did that, it would be over. Maybe they wouldn’t have that kind of relationship anymore, but at least they could be friends… or roommates. Good roommates.

Fuck, he didn’t know what he wanted, but he knew he didn’t want to keep hurting Sander and he definitely didn’t want to lose him forever.

That gave him the courage to talk to him. Unfortunately, he couldn’t just pour out all his heart to him right now, so he had to at least take a small step forward and hope Sander would be fine with that. A small step forward had to be better than keep stepping backwards, right? 

He made his way to Sander’s room when it was already dark, feeling the anxiety numbing his hands and arms and making his steps more difficult. He was nervous because of Sander, but even more because of himself… He was afraid of screwing this up.

He carefully knocked the door one, two, three times.

Nobody opened or answered during what he felt an eternity. When Sander finally opened the door, Robbe wasn’t sure if it was relief or dread what he felt as he saw him standing there looking back at Robbe.

“Uhm… Is this a good moment?” He asked, noticing Sander didn’t look very happy of seeing him. He didn’t blame him though. 

“For what?”

Robbe nearly cringed. “Sorry. Uhm, I wanted… to talk to you. If that’s okay?”

Sander looked at him with curiosity written all over his face. “Okay... What’s up?” he said turning around to go back into his room. Robbe had no choice but follow him inside.

It had been too long since he’d stepped into Sander’s colorful and artsy bedroom. His eyes wandered everywhere, nearly smiling when he noticed the shelves full of Sander’s collection of LPs were immaculately ordered while the rest of the room was mess, frankly speaking. The bed wasn’t even made and there were clothes scattered everywhere his desk was full papers, books, painting and drawing materials.

“I’m taking care of this fucking mess. I normally wouldn’t even bother, but since I’m here all the time, it’s already getting on my nerves.” Sander was casually saying as he kept picking up things from the floor. “I guess you were right after all. It’s better living in a clean place.” He joked, throwing an amused glance at Robbe who just shrugged.

“Uhm… I wanted you to know that… you don’t have to go.” He clumsily blurted out after an awkward silence.

Sander paused and looked at him at the eyes, raising his eyebrows. “So _you’re_ going?”

“No… I was thinking we could both stay.”

“And go back to either fighting or ignoring each other? Thanks, but no.” Sander replied shaking his head.

“I’ll try, okay?” Robbe sighed. “I’ll try living in peace.”

“Why now?”

“I don’t want to force you out of here. You live here too after all.” Robbe replied shrugging.

Sander sighed, he could see some sort of frustration in his face and Robbe knew his words weren’t enough, which frustrated him because he still felt so fucking scared. _I don’t want you to go. But I don’t know how to fix this, I’m too scared to even try, and I don’t even know if I deserve this. But I realize I’m keep harming you anyway_.

His internal ramblings were interrupted when Sander finally spoke. “You don’t have to force yourself. It’s fine.” He shrugged without looking at him and went back to picking up things from the floor.

“I’m not forcing myself to do anything.” He firmly said. _Well, kind off, but it not something I don’t want to do_ , he sighed. “I just… If I kept my distance was because I thought it would be for the best.”

“For the best?” Sander asked turning to look at him again.

“Well, you said it yourself before, we’re always arguing.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” His roommate sighed. “I just thought it would be good if we just cooperated through this stupid quarantine that’s already stressful enough. But I guess it’s impossible.” 

“It’s not impossible. Just stop being so damn lazy.” Robbe blurted out. Sander snorted as Robbe licked his lips and went on, “And I’ll stop being an asshole. It’ll be fine.”

“I never said you were an asshole.”

“But I feel like an asshole anyway. I know you tried to cooperate since the beginning, and I refused. Sorry. But like I said… I just thought it would be for the best if we stayed away from each other.” Robbe admitted avoiding looking at his roommate. “But I’m willing to cooperate to live in peace… Well, if you’re still up for it anyway.”

No one spoke for a really long time. Robbe looked up, but Sander wasn’t looking at him.

“Cooperating is actually talking to me instead of avoiding me, you know that, right?” Sander asked looking up with raised eyebrows.

“So what? You want us to hang out now?” Robbe forced out laugh. “Let’s first see if we can spend a day without fighting.”

Sander snorted. “I don’t want us to hang out like _best friends_ or something. I just want to know if you would be willing to talk with me like a normal roommate, that’s all.”

Even if he felt some pain, he was relieved too.

Robbe nodded, that was a good start. A small step. He could do this. He wanted to do it. And it would safer, it would be alright. Sander didn’t like him anymore and Robbe just had to get over his feelings quietly.

Talking to him while swallowing his stupid feelings couldn’t be any worse than swallowing his feelings and never talking to him ever again. Maybe things between them would never be the same, but at least they could be good roommates. 

“Okay.” Robbe replied trying to not sound too relieved.

“Okay, okay… Then I guess I’ll have to stop being lazy.” Sander sighed, looking so demotivated Robbe nearly laughed at him.

* * *

“You’re trying to cook again?” Sander commented as he approached the kitchen. “No offense, but I kind of wish you hadn’t figured out how to turn on the stove.”

Once again, Robbe had kind of sensed him long ago but this time he didn’t try to hide. He’d learned his lesson with that burn. That didn’t mean he didn’t feel embarrassed though.

Robbe looked up briefly and rolled his eyes without real heat. A long time ago, when he and Sander still were on good terms, Robbe had tried to help him with dinner but the outcome was embarrassing.

Instead of focusing on the task at hand, he was busier watching and listening Sander as he joked around to the point of even completely forgetting how to turn on a stupid stove. Nearly six months later and his roommate still wouldn’t forget about that idiotic incident.

“What is that supposed to be?” Sander asked making a face as he inspected the pan.

“Nothing.” Robbe replied in a small, shy voice, his cheeks reddening.

“What’s with you lately? Got tired of your cookies sandwiches?” Sander teased him.

Robbe bit his lip, trying to focus on his hands instead of his roommate, who was standing so close to him. This was normal, this was his roommate speaking to him in a friendly, normal way.

“Oh. I was only joking…” Sander said. He quickly raised his eyes and saw the other boy looking a bit uncertain.

“It’s okay, I know.” Robbe rushed out. “I’m just… I wished nobody but me would see this. It’s horrible.” He sighed.

He’d grown jealous after seeing Sander, and lot of his friends in social media, making all kind of delicious food while he just ate nearly the same stuff every day. He decided to watch some tutorials and give it a try, thinking that maybe he could even come out of this quarantine with some decent skills. But this…

“Oh. Okay.” Sander replied, Robbe could see he wanted to laugh but was holding it in.

Robbe kept working like he wasn’t a bundle of nerves and once again, there was an awkward silence.

“I just started watching some tutorials. I’ll get better… or so I hope.” Robbe offered.

“Oh.”

“You know what I was thinking?” Sander said after a long moment. “How about… we help each other?”

Robbe sent him a confused glance. “You see… I really hate doing the dishes so I was thinking… maybe you could take care of that and I…”

Robbe raised an eyebrow. “So that’s why you wanted to _cooperate_. You just don’t want to take care of the dishes.”

“Maybe.” Sander offered him his brightest smile. Robbe quickly looked away, his hear fluttering.

He distracted himself by wondering if someone could really hate doing the dishes that much? It seemed Sander did.

“It isn’t that bad.” He thought out loud.

“Actually... it is that bad. I really hate it. When you cook you can do fun stuff, but when you do the dishes it’s so monotone and… feels like something endless.”

“So _I_ take care of the dirty work then?” Robbe joked smiling a bit so Sander wouldn’t take in the wrong way.

“My cooking will make it worth it. I can promise that.”

Robbe stopped moving his clumsy hands and stared at Sander closely. “Would you really cook… for me?”

Sander nodded. “Hmm. It’s a good deal.”

“Like… every day?” Robbe asked skeptical.

Another nod.

Robbe still felt skeptical though. “I don’t know.”

“Why not?”

“Uhm… I just don’t want to be a burden.”

“This cooperating, Robbe. That’s what roommates do.” Sander replied.

Robbe frowned a bit, deep in thought, only after a long moment of consideration he said, “I don’t mind taking care of the dishes, but I’ll still help you however I can with the cooking…”

Sander raised an eyebrow. “You mean like… cooking together?”

Robbe opened his mouth and closed it fast. He actually meant splitting days but for some reason he couldn’t make himself say it.

“Okay.” His roommate replied.

Once Sander left, Robbe couldn’t even focus in cooking anymore. He blew out some his tension as he kept replaying his conversation with him. He still felt really shy around him, but it was easy.

He didn’t trick himself though, it was all thanks to Sander. Without Sander’s casual attitude this conversation would have been completely different because thanks to him, Robbe just had to play along. He couldn’t understand how he could act so casual and normal around him after everything that happened, after everything Robbe provoked. He even was willing to cook for both.

That made him feel even more stupid and confused. What was even the point of the evasive and indifferent attitude he’d maintained for so long? Wasn’t he making things stupidly complicated on his own? Sander was so casual and normal while he made a fucking mess in his mind. Like always.

Thinking this was really frustrating because this made him realize once more he still lived in the past, he couldn’t move on. But it was time and the only way to do it was facing his fears and stop giving them power. He just had to treat him as… his roommate and that was it.

* * *

“Hey.” Sander said when he saw him walking to the kitchen the next morning. Robbe blinked as he stared around and then at his roommate, who offered him a bright smile. “Hope you’re hungry. I’m making breakfast.”

Robbe chewed his lip and nodded. “Sure. Uhm… Can I help you with something?”

“Nah. Your dishes are already waiting for you, they’re all yours.” He said nodding in the sink direction.

Robbe only nodded before he made his way to the sink. It would be better starting now than keep standing there like an idiot. They worked in silence, a comfortable silence, though Robbe was hyperaware of the other’s presence. He guessed it would take him some time to get used to this.

A while later, Sander called him and when Robbe went, he couldn't help but stare at the table in awe. What the hell? This was too much!

He’d never had been in front of a breakfast like this, so rich, colorful and pleasant to the eyes. He looked up at Sander in confusion and surprise.

“What is this?”

Robbe sighed when Sander casually started introducing every single food he’d put on the table. Eggs. Bacon. Beaked beans. Fruit.

“I’ve eaten a breakfast before, thanks.” Robbe cut him off rolling his eyes. “What I meant is… I never saw you eating like this before.” He explained, sending Sander a suspicious glance.

His roommate scoffed. “You probably ate a breakfast before, _but_ not like this.“ He raised his eyebrows, pointing out at the kitchen table with a flourish movement of his hand.

“Uhm… you really didn’t have to do all of this.” He could only say. 

Sander laughed. “Don’t get too excited. It’s only for today. See it as my peace offering.”

Robbe only looked at him and offered him a little smile, not having a single idea of what he should say. It was a peace offering.

And so, for the first time in a really long time, they shared breakfast like they used to do. But instead of hearing Sander and Milan talk while Robbe just laughed, this was a quiet breakfast. 

A too peaceful breakfast because, once they were past the jokes or some casual comment about something, there was nothing to talk about. Well, they did have a lot of things to talk about, but Robbe felt incredibly awkward in this new, but familiar situation and Sander… well, Robbe could only guess what Sander was thinking. He didn’t speak a lot either.

“By the way… we didn’t talk about the other chores.” Robbe blurted out when he couldn’t stand the silence anymore.

He cringed internally, realizing too late that maybe that wasn’t a really interesting conversation. Maybe Sander would think he was too serious and bossy, but unfortunately, talking about cleaning and cooking seemed to be the safest route for Robbe right now.

“Other chores?”

“Yeah… like mopping the floors or cleaning the bathroom.”

Sander made a face asking, “Do we really have to do it?”

Robbe sent him an incredulous, disgusted look. Sander only snorted and said, “I was only joking.” When Robbe didn’t look convinced, the other boy rolled his eyes and added, “I may be a bit lazy but it’s not that bad!”

“Okay. Uhm… I guess we can rotate the chores?”

“Okay, okay, let’s do it.” Sander sighed looking all miserable, like he was about to give him a whole discourse about cleaning. Robbe smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So they started actually talking a bit... and now they stand in a kind of neutral spot? Not "enemies" not friends, just roommates who talk about chores and cooking lol. Thanks for reading!!!


	4. Week 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say... thank you so much for the kudos and feedback. People who left me their lovely comments, thanks for real, you have helped me to improve a lot this story, so it's not only mine, it's yours too :D Hope it's not too bad haha. 
> 
> Warnings: An awkward talk, unbeta'ed chapter

**F** alling in a peaceful, quiet routine with Sander was easy, but not surprising. After all, they got along pretty well in the first place, right? Fighting, annoying or avoiding each other… it all happened because of his own stupidity. Now that they’d had reached some kind of agreement, there was nothing left to fight or feel annoyed for.

Sander was true to his word of keeping peace, though Robbe never thought otherwise. He stopped playing his music unreasonably loud or leaving a mess of materials, dishes and random stuff in the living room and kitchen. Robbe took care of the dishes, helped Sander cooking and stopped playing videogames just for the sake of annoying his roommate.

They both knew what they had to do now. That was their agreement.

But now… it was way too peaceful! Too easy. Too quiet. Their supposed problems were because of the house chores so, now that they had reached an agreement, what was left to talk about? Nothing. That’s what Robbe realized after realizing he couldn’t talk about chores forever. 

He should feel happy with this “simple” relationship, but he couldn’t because of the awkward position he found himself in. Treating each other like normal roommates, but then what? That was pretty much it. They barely talked so even though he didn’t feel pressured he still felt pressured.

He kept wondering if his worst fear had come true, if they’d reached some invisible wall that maybe they wouldn’t be able to go through. Maybe things wouldn’t ever be the same after all, because Robbe didn’t feel comfortable enough to have casual conversations and Sander… well, he didn’t talk either for some reason. And without his initiative? Robbe barely dared to speak to him.

The fact that his roommate was acting weirdly quieter, didn’t help with easing his worry. What was going on with him? He could only guess.

Maybe that was it. Maybe Sander just wanted a normal roommate and now that they’d reached an agreement, he didn’t feel the need of talking. Maybe Robbe worried for nothing. He wouldn’t have to worry about dealing with his feelings or exposing them. This kind of relieved him and disappointed him.

* * *

Robbe wasn’t sure how to proceed with his roommate now, so the only course of action he could take was carry on with his life, working hard on school, playing video games whenever he could and video calling his friends every single day.

Maybe that was the issue, maybe Sander was feeling a little down like him because, after more than two weeks of lockdown and their particular situation, he was starting to feel the isolation.

He’d been so dedicated to his homework that he was starting to feel sick of it, he spent so much time sitting that his body felt stiff and tired, he missed moving freely, wildly on his skateboard or bike. And of course, he missed laughing and chilling with his friends.

The mornings and evenings, when Sander would cook while Robbe tried to help him a bit or took care of the dishes, were his only comfort. But the awkwardness and the lack of real interaction, stressed him a lot.

Thinking about it made him feel really nostalgic, made him think about what was lost now. This peacefulness wasn’t them. It felt wrong, to the point he almost even missed their stupid arguments. That’s when he realized he was losing his mind… missing arguing instead of enjoying this peace? The problem was that, at this point, anything would better than this deafening silence.

If only Milan was here… maybe everything would be easier. That guy always found ways of breaking through the ice or the awkwardness. He really missed him.

That made him pause.

If only Milan was here…

Until now, Robbe had kept him away from his problems with Sander, but maybe that was the problem, maybe he should have asked him for advice instead of thinking he could take care of everything on his own. Maybe this time around he should do something different instead of letting himself be absorbed by his own thoughts.

“Hey Robbe.” Milan greeted him with a bright smile when Robbe video called him a one evening.

“Milan. How you been doing?”

“I’m actually pretty good. I’m always so busy this feels like some good vacations. I just wish the circumstances weren’t this bad.”

“So this isolation is not making you go crazy?” Robbe asked in amazement. He would have thought someone so cheerful as Milan would feel even worse than him.

“Not really. I just love doing nothing. I’m already here, so I’m just making the best of it. But you…” Milan watched him closely. “Are you going crazy?”

“Uhm… it’s not that bad, but…” Robbe shrugged.

Milan chuckled. “What’s going on? Things with Sander are that bad?”

“Uhm… we actually have talked a bit? It’s better I guess, but at the same time it’s not. I don’t know. At least we don’t fight anymore.” Robbe shrugged looking down at his hands. When he raised his eyes again, he noticed Milan didn’t look exactly surprised. “You don’t look very surprised.”

“Robbe, you are my favorite roommate _ever_ , but I really like Sander too.”

“That’s funny. You said that to Zoë all the time.” Robbe rolled his eyes. “Wait… so you’ve been talking with him!?”

“Well, of course, why are you so surprised!?” Milan laughed at him.

Robbe rolled his eyes. “Well, yeah…” He sighed, feeling a bit stupid for not even thinking about it. “What did he tell you anyway?” Robbe couldn’t help but ask.

Milan raised his eyebrows, a pointed look on his face. Robbe already knew what he was going to say. “I’m not going to tell you anything. That would facilitate things _way too much_ , right? You two have to _talk_ and solve it on your own.”

Robbe groaned. The idea of Milan and Sander talking about _him_ was just… he couldn’t even name the feeling. He looked at Milan with disappointment, wondering what kind of stuff he knew, wondering if he knew something, just _something_ fundamental that could change everything.

But maybe that was only his own longing talking, maybe Sander hadn’t even told him something important. He would never know.

“Well, some things kind of improved between us but… I don’t know, I don’t really feel like it has improved.”

“So you keep saying. What do you mean?”

“Uhm… we agreed to coexist as roommates, but this doesn’t feel right. It’s really weird. I don’t know, I think I made a mistake, maybe it was for the best avoiding each other.”

“But you didn’t feel good either.”

“Yeah, so I’m kind of stuck now.” Robbe sighed in frustration.

“You’re not stuck. I think you shouldn’t go back, but you definitely should go forward.”

“I’m not ready yet, a lot of things have happened. I _still_ need time, but Sander couldn’t stand it anymore and me neither I guess. It was bad, but this feels even worse. We talk but it’s nothing like before… maybe it’ll never be.” Robbe finished unable to keep the sadness out of his voice.

“Maybe that’s the problem, Robbe. You can’t stop thinking about what you used to have, but that’s gone now. You can’t go back to that.”

“Yeah…” Robbe muttered his heart painfully clenching.

“Don’t look so sad. I’m not done.” Milan chuckled. “What I mean is that you can’t go back to what you had because, as good as it was, it turned bad, something went wrong… So of course you can’t go back. And that’s already in the past anyway, if you keep looking back you won’t be able to move on. I don’t know what will happen between you two, but you should focus on the present, on this second chance you have… Instead of regretting what you did wrong or what you lost, make sure you don’t make the same mistakes.”

“That makes a lot of sense.” Robbe frowning deep in thought.

The reason he kept feeling awkward is because he was constantly thinking about what he’d done and how things were like before everything went wrong. He didn’t really think how he could make things better now, he only thought about how everything felt wrong. It was amazing how he could overlook the most obvious things.

“I’m still scared though.”

“Of what?”

“I’m afraid of screwing up everything. Or realizing that maybe everything is already screwed up for good.”

“Hey, Sander has agreed to talk with you, right? And he stayed. That has to mean something. Nothing is screwed up for good.” 

“Mean something? Like what?” Robbe asked, trying to act casual.

“I’m not going to tell you anything more! Talk with him!” Milan replied. 

“Fine.” He sighed, then offered him a small smile. “Anyway, thank you, Milan. I really wish I talked to you before.”

“Well, you did it now, it’s okay. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Just take small steps and it’ll be okay.”

* * *

After his talk with Milan, Robbe went to bed and spent some hours laying down thinking and thinking about his situation. It was time he truly faced the truth and moved on, like really moved on. If he kept regretting the past, the mistakes, longing what he’d already lost… This would get nowhere.

Maybe Milan was right, maybe things weren’t as bad as he thought. Maybe Sander had truly forgot about it and Robbe was making things unnecessarily complicated on his own. Yeah, he still had some feelings for him, but he screwed up things before something _actually_ happened between them.

Being just friends… couldn’t be impossible, right?

He smiled a bit wistfully. Maybe in many other universes Robbe had found Sander or Sander had found him too and things went right. In this universe things went wrong, but it wasn’t the end of the world or the end of them. Things could and would get better, he just had to stop comparing, keep in mind this would take some time and focus on the present.

But for that… they had to talk. Really talk.

A day later they were making dinner in silence, Robbe was clumsily and slowly slicing some vegetables, more than usual because he was lost in thoughts, so lost that he almost missed Sander words when he suddenly spoke. 

“Robbe… I’m sorry.”

“Huh?” Robbe raised his eyes and stared at him in confusion.

“I’m sorry.” Sander repeated. Robbe only shook his head and frowned. It seemed his roommate was having some trouble speaking, because he didn’t say anything for a long time. “For that ridiculous ultimatum, okay?” He admitted looking somewhat embarrassed.

“Uhm…” Robbe was a loss, not expecting this at all. So this was the reason he had been so distant? He felt bad?

“We’re only roommates, right?” Sander went on, letting out a dry laugh. “I feel really stupid right now, because I know I don’t have the right to demand you anything, but I did and now it’s even worse.”

“It’s okay….” Robbe trailed off noticing Sander’s disbelieving expression.

“Are you telling me you don’t feel uncomfortable with _this_?”

“Okay.” Robbe said, putting down the knife and taking in a deep breath. It seemed they would be having _that_ conversation right now. “Yeah, it’s really awkward, a lot of things have happened.” 

He heard Sander sigh. “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk to me. We can still leave in peace… I mean, we both already know what we have to do. I promise I won’t start behaving like a kid this time.” Sander said rolling his eyes, smiling a bit despite everything.

Robbe couldn’t hold in the little smile that appeared on his face, but quickly recovered and said, “No, it’s not that. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to you. I just feel awkward after… everything.”

“After everything?”

“You know what I mean. I don’t really want to talk about it.” Robbe said, his gaze fixed on the kitchen counter, feeling hyperaware of everything. His embarrassment, his insecurity, his fear of Sander’s reaction. “But I want you to know that I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything.”

“You don’t want to talk about it?”

No, not really. He knew he should be completely honest, but the idea of exposing his heart right now… It was impossible. If things went well, maybe someday he could talk about it like it was nothing and even joke about it. Maybe in the future when he was sure he’d completely moved on.

“Uhm… What’s the point? I mean, we both already know we made some stupid mistakes. But it’s already done, we can’t do anything about it anymore. It’s for the best if we just leave it behind, don’t you think?”

“I guess.” Sander seemed a bit hesitant, like he had a lot to say, but luckily for Robbe he didn’t push it. Robbe nearly sighed, he hoped this would be enough for Sander, because right now he wasn't ready for more. 

Robbe cleared his throat and said, “But I really mean it when I say I’m sorry. And if it’s okay to you… We could start anew, as much as we can, anyway.”

“Is that what you want? You want us to be… friends?” Sander asked, an unreadable expression on his face. He paused and cleared his throat, “What I mean is… if you’re uncomfortable being around me… it’s okay if you want to stay away. Don’t feel pushed to do this despite what I said last week.”

Robbe couldn’t help but scoff. “I should be the one asking that.”

“Well, I was the one who wanted to fix things since the beginning, right?” He wasn't accusing him, just stating a fact.

“I know. But like I said… I felt really bad about everything that happened, that’s why I thought it would be for the best staying away from each other.”

“So that was it? You felt bad?”

“What do you mean?”

“You don’t hate me?”

Robbe wasn’t exactly surprised, he kind of expected Sander would think he hated him. “No, I don’t hate you.” He paused. “And you?”

“I don’t hate you either.” Sander said.

“Okay.” Robbe said.

They looked at each other in silence. Robbe, who suddenly felt really nervous and embarrassed, let out a little laugh while Sander snorted.

“I’m sorry. It’s just… this is awkward.” 

“I know.” Sander only smiled.

“Then… I guess you’re right, we should just forget about everything." Robbe nodded. "I’m sorry too, for everything. Let’s be friends.

Robbe bit his lip trying not laugh when Sander offered him his hand. Despite his embarrassment, he took his hand and shook it. Sander was trying his best not to laugh too, but his eyes sparkling with amusement, betrayed him.

“So… what do we do now?” Sander asked after an awkward moment in which they stood like a couple idiots holding hands in the kitchen.

“We cook.”

Sander laughed and so, they resumed their cooking, but Robbe couldn’t stop thinking about his hand, hyperaware of the warm, tingling sensation Sander’s touch had left on him. He didn't panic this time though. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh... communication it's something really tricky. Both are apparently talking about the same thing, but something isn't right. They're still learning though. 
> 
> Anyway I hope the story it's not becoming a bit too repetitive HAHAH, but this chapter it's pivotal bcs a)it's the ending of the major "angst" of the story b)it's a transition to the second half of the story which is the new development of their relationship c)Robbe is making better decisions, taking small steps forward. As you can guess, it'll take them a bit more to be something more than friends, but the story won't have more than 20-25k words so no that much :P
> 
> Take care!!!


	5. Week 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all... Happy pride month people! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
> 
> Sooorry... My semester ended last week and had tons of homework, but here you have a long-ass chapter. Hope you enjoy it! Also, I really, really want to thank people who's been kudo'ing and commenting, this story of all of you ❣️Reading people saying they miss this story it's just... amazing 🥺💜 
> 
> WARNINGS: Talks about mental health issues (bipolarity) and feelings about the lockdown, it's not something that deep though. I realized it had to be talked at some point or the story would be really unrealistic 😆 Also, sorry for any inaccurate portrayal of Beligum and it's lockdown!! 😅

**R** obbe bit his finger in a desperate attempt not to laugh as he watched Sander clean the kitchen cabinets, carelessly spraying all the surface and then stretching his body to reach the highest surfaces of the doors, wiping them clean.

He wanted to laugh because watching him cleaning was just unreal, but at the same time, he felt nervous because he couldn’t stop looking Sander’s… butt, as he kept making those weird sounds every time he stood on his toes or jumped a bit. Robbe could see his legs stretching, the fabric of his shorts and t-shirt tightening on his butt and the muscles of his back.

“This is why I told you to use the chair.” Robbe pointed out as his eyes kept following his roommate movements, oblivious to the perv currently watching him. “You’re not _that_ tall.”

“I’m taller than _you_.” Sander replied, making Robbe roll his eyes. This guy could be so stubborn sometimes…

“ _Barely_ … so don’t be ridiculous, just use a damn chair already.”

“I was only making some exercise.” He retorted. Robbe only sent him a blank look.

“Okay, okay.” Sander sighed, turning around to take one of the kitchen chairs and climbing on it.

Robbe leaned against the wall, folding his arms as he continued to watch the display. He’d come out of his room after a morning full of school only to be surprised by the sight of Sander cleaning every surface of the living room and the kitchen. Sander _had_ to clean this week, but Robbe hadn’t expected the guy would do it so diligently.

As he watched him, the thought of quietly returning to his room and leaving him be crossed his mind, but he ended up staying, the sigh was just precious.

He was kind of regretting it now as much as he was enjoying it. 

“You’re using too much solution.”

“I think you missed that spot.”

“More to the left. More. That’s it.”

Sander turned around and sent him a pointed look. “Is it okay now, _mom_?” He asked but Robbe noticed he was trying not to laugh.

“Don’t forget to take everything out and clean the inside of the cabinets too.” 

“Okay.” Sander said, surprising Robbe when he just opened the cabinet in front of him without objection.

“Wait, I was only joking. I just cleaned them last week, there’s no need to do it so soon.” Robbe stopped him, trying not grin.

Sander turned and sent him a flat look. “Glad to see you’re enjoying this way too much.”

Robbe couldn’t hold in his laugh anymore. “It’s a bit funny, I guess? I never thought I would live to see this day.”

“Jeez, it wasn’t that bad” Sander replied, continuing to furiously scrub the wood.

“You’re not sanding the cabinet, you’re just cleaning it. You’ll only tire yourself if you keep doing it like that.” Robbe laughed again. “And it was _that_ bad. You always found some way to sneak away whenever Milan and I did chores.”

“I always helped Milan with cooking though.” Sander protested.

“I know.” Robbe smiled a bit.

“Anyway, why do you even love the chores so much? I don’t get it.”

Robbe scoffed. “I don’t exactly love chores.”

“Really? That’s all you talk about all the time.” Sander said smirking at him.

Robbe couldn’t help but blush. Of course, he didn’t love the chores, the only reason he started obsessing over them was because that was the only way he found to keep a civil conversation with Sander, the apprehension and embarrassment of talking with him about more personal stuff was still too strong. “Well, somebody has to.”

“I know, I was only joking.” Sander laughed. “But you don’t have to worry anymore… for now anyway… Doing chores is okay right now, helps me to distract myself from school.” 

“You’re having fun with chores!?”

“I never said I was having _fun_! It just feels good right now… it’s tiring me out in satisfying way and at least I’m accomplishing something different besides homework.” Sander paused and looked at Robbe, rolling his eyes, “I know, it’s lame. It’s the quarantine I guess.”

“Don’t worry. I feel like that too.” Robbe smiled at him and Sander smiled back at him. He jumped off the chair and walked back to admire his cleaning.

“Just look at that! I’m actually feeling proud of myself right now.”

Robbe looked at the grinning Sander and smirked.

“That excitement is good, since you have to clean the bathroom too!”

Sander’s smiled faltered as a disgusted expression slowly took over his face.

“You’re enjoying this way too much that it’s not even fun anymore.” Sander accused him narrowing his eyes, but as he thought about the task ahead of him, a haunted expression appeared on his face. “Uh… I’ve never cleaned a bathroom before. From where I would even start?” 

Robbe cackled. “What!? You can’t be serious!”

“I am!”

“Then what the hell did you do back at your house?”

“How do you think I got so good at cooking? I always had to beg my mom so she would let me cook instead of cleaning.”

“There’s not use then.” Robbe rolled his eyes. “We’re _both_ cleaning the bathroom.” 

“Yeah. Sorry.” Sander sheepishly said. “I promise I’ll do it on my own the next time, right now I’m just clueless.”

“You’re really lucky you’re quarantined with me, you know? I don’t even know what you would have done if you had stayed here on your own.” Robbe said without even thinking, too invested in the conversation.

Only after Sander laughed and nodded Robbe realized his words and blushed. Hard. “Yeah I know.” Sander simply said.

Robbe quickly turned around and looked at the ceiling, wishing he would fucking disintegrate and vanish. What the fuck? He wouldn’t even dare to try guessing what Sander was thinking right now.

“Come.”

It was good! So good he would busy himself cleaning that fucking bathroom.

* * *

Robbe bit his lips and shifted in his chair, the words in the page were a bundle of nonsense because he couldn’t even focus enough to read them, not when the weight of Sander’s gaze was too distracting. Robbe could only guess why he was looking at him, but he refused to give in to his nerves.

“You look really stressed.” Sander commented.

Robbe nearly scoffed at that. And whose fault was that!!?

Why was he staring at him anyway?

But instead of asking him that, Robbe cleared his throat and said, “Yeah, this is difficult. It’s stressing me out.”

That wasn’t a complete lie, the load of schoolwork was making him go crazy, but he didn’t think the emotions his homework evoked were stronger than the emotions Sander stirred deep inside of him. Maybe this time he’d pushed himself too much.

Because he was getting a bit sick of working on his room, he’d thought it would be a good idea a change of “scenery”, so he decided to install himself in the kitchen table. Apparently, Sander the same idea because he was already sitting there. And what could Robbe do? He had to go for it, it would be pretty weird turning back since Sander had already seen him with his stuff and all. 

He prepared himself for a couple of hours studying with his roommate. It was good and calm most of the time, but then he would look at Sander or feel his gaze and he would feel really self-conscious.

Sander was sitting in front of him, so close to him he just felt him, in that weird, intense way he’d always felt him. But he couldn’t back off now. Sander wasn’t the problem. The reason he ended up in an unnecessarily complicated situation was because he tried running away from what he felt was something external, when in reality it was all internal. His fears, insecurities, doubts and this thing he felt for him.

He didn’t even know what it was. Maybe an intense crush, an intense crush he would have to endure until it slowly withered away, like a flower that could have been something beautiful, but had to be cut before it could even be _something_. Robbe still felt a bit sad every time he thought about it, and even more when he did cheesy metaphors like that one, but at least he was feeling a bit more positive about it.

It helped that being around Sander in a friendly manner had its perks, it was fun, nice and they were slowly having more fluid conversations. And even if there were a lot of things left unsaid, there were no hard feelings between them. It was nice realizing things weren’t as bad as his mind had liked to point out.

Though, when he found himself in difficult situations like the one that happened in the kitchen the other day, or right now, when Sander keep staring at him for some reason and Robbe wanted to squirm so fucking, he almost wanted to hole up in his room once again.

Sander waved his hand in front of the page, drawing his attention again. “It must be really difficult if you’re this invested.” He commented when Robbe raised his eyes to look at him. “You should take a rest, you’re doing homework all the time.“

“I’m not.” He scoffed.

“Yes, you are!” Sander laughed and added, “But that’s okay. I’m just saying you should take a break every now and then.”

“Yeah, I guess… And you, how you’re doing with homework?”

Sander made a noncommittal sound, shrugging as he looked down at his laptop.

“What?”

“Just a bit sick of it. I wasn’t joking when I said I liked doing the chores.” His roommate snorted. “I mean, I love art and all but lately I’m not feeling it, you know? You should see the crap I’ve been doing over the last few days.”

Robbe laughed a bit, Sander looked at him and said, “Sorry, I’m just blabbering again, and you just asked me about homework.”

“No, it’s okay. I’m actually feeling a bit sick of it too.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, that’s the reason I started studying here instead of my room, thought the scenery change would help me a bit. At first focusing in school helped but I think I overdid it.” He scoffed.

“Yeah, I think we stressed ourselves a lot.” Sander replied with a grimace. After a moment of hesitation, he added, “Actually… I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“What?”

“Uhm… you remember my bipolar disorder, right?” Sander awkwardly said.

Robbe only nodded. If Robbe remembered correctly, they only had talked about that twice. The first time was when Sander moved in to the flat and informed him and Milan that he had bipolar disorder. He’d been diagnosed a few years ago and although he’d found a medication that stabilized him, he still had his highs and lows every now and then and could act a bit different because of it; but most of the time his moods were manageable and didn’t stop his life.

The second time was when they started hanging out a bit more and Sander got to know Robbe’s liking for alcohol and weed. He’d explained he had to quit all kind of recreational drugs because that messed up with his medications. _That was the price I had to pay so I could live on my own_ , he’d said with a rueful smile and a shrug. _And I’m feeling stable. At least for now anyway. I don’t want to mess up with that_.

“I’ve been talking with my therapist, and since this stupid lockdown just got extended and we don’t know what’s going to happen, we both agreed I should go out to burn some steam I’ve been feeling over the last few days. I wasn’t sure because my mom was worried but… it’s for the best, you know?”

Robbe nodded trying to keep his face neutral, but inside he was worried because he hadn’t even noticed something weird. This meant Sander wasn’t feeling good? He recalled that over last couple of days Sander had been really helpful with chores, even washing the dishes a couple of times, which he found a bit surprising, but Sander kept saying it distracted him from homework and that was it, he didn’t think more of it.

But now it seemed that in reality he was feeling restless. Well, even Robbe was feeling restless too, they hadn’t leaved the flat in almost a month, not even for food, it was all delivered.

“So I was wondering if you would be okay with that? With me going out?” Sander asked him, tearing him out of his thoughts.

“Yeah of course.” Robbe replied a bit incredulous and added a bit hurt, “Do you really thought I wouldn’t agree?

“No, of course not!” Sander rushed out. “I just didn’t like the idea of going out with even talking it with you first, since we live together and we’re in this kind of situation.”

“Oh… Well, It’s okay. Thank you for asking.” Robbe nodded.

After a moment of silence, Robbe opened his mouth and closed it, sending his roommate a hesitant look. Sander noticed it nevertheless and smiled a bit, as if reading his mind.

“Don’t worry. I’m fine. And in case something happens… I have to check in with mom every day, the moment she notices something’s off she’ll drag my ass out of here.” Sander rolled his eyes and shrugged like he couldn’t care less, but his expression was overall serious.

“That’s not what worries me.” Robbe couldn’t help but point out. He was just worried for Sander. He wouldn’t say that out loud, because maybe that would be a bit hypocrite after everything that had happened between them over the last few weeks.

Sander seemed to understand though, his lips stretching in one of those soft smiles he hadn’t seen in a long time.

“I’m fine. I’m only feeling a bit stressed because they extended the lockdown and they’ll probably do it again. I just didn’t imagine this lockdown would be so long. That’s all.”

Robbe smiled a bit, that was something he could understand.

“Okay… What are you going to do outside?”

“Just a ride on my bike around here.”

“That’s nice. I really miss cycling around and skating.” He absently tapped his pen against his book, reminiscing those days with his friends that seemed so far away… 

“Why don’t you come along?”

“What!?”

“We’ll use masks. Wash our hands. Keep ourselves away from other people. It’ll be okay.”

“Uhm… I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Why not? You said you’re feeling stressed out too. Going out for a bit will make you feel good.”

“Yeah but… we’re not supposed to do it. Well, in your case, you have to do it to keep a good headspace, which is totally okay, but _I_ don’t have a good reason to do it. I wouldn’t feel okay with going out while everyone else…” He shrugged.

“You’ve been working really hard the over the last few weeks, don’t feel bad going out for a while. Come on, at least just this time, think about it like some recharge of your batteries or something.” Sander joked, licking his lips before adding, “Make me some company. I don’t want to feel like the character of some post-apocalyptic movie out there on my own.”

Robbe snorted. “Don’t you feel sick of me after all those weeks stuck with me? Take this as a chance to detoxify from me.”

“That’s not funny. What bullshit are you even saying?” Sander replied deadpan, Robbe only grimaced and nodded. “So you’re coming or not?”

“Okay.”

* * *

Robbe closed his eyes, his eyelids fluttering in pleasure as he breathed in the fresh, clean air of the night. A wind wave hit his skin and his hair, and he just enjoyed the soft caress of the air as he strolled on his bike through the deserted streets. He looked at Sander at his side, smiling like hadn’t seen him smile in the whole quarantine, the wind rustling his hair as he throwed his head back in joy.

Sander was pedaling in an unstoppable way, probably burning up all that accumulated energy. Robbe was following him, the slight burning in his legs feeling incredibly good, he didn’t feel even tired. He was like a kite that had been released free in the wind, he just wanted to go higher and higher.

The streets were dark, silent and deserted, the only sound that could be heard was the sound of the bike, his own breathing and Sander’s, who kept pedaling like he wanted to do it forever, maybe until he got to the end of the world. And Robbe did the same, not thinking about anything in particular, just pedaling and pedaling and focusing on the empty roads ahead of them. Their bodies wouldn’t care about their euphoric feelings though, eventually forcing them to stop to catch a breath.

“Holy shit.” Sander gasped at his side, his bike dropping on the ground as he leaned against the fence to take a breath. Robbe dropped his bike as he caught his breath too. “How you’re feeling? You’re up to more?”

“Not really. I think I have to preserve my legs or else I won’t be able to go back home.”

Sander laughed still a bit breathless. “Yeah, I think we overdid it, but it was amazing. It had been a long time since I’ve felt this alive.”

“Yeah.” Robbe replied with a smile, his hard, heavy breaths feeling amazing right now, making him feel alive with the good kind of tiredness.

After his breathing evened, Sander sat in the fence and turned to face the dark body of water that was the Schelde. Robbe did the same and looked up, the moon was so bright behind the white, thin clouds slowly drifting in the dark sky. The only sound that could be heard was the wind messing with the trees leaves and his heartbeat and breath slowing down.

“You know what would be perfect right now? A fucking joint!” Sander sighed at his side. Robbe smiled, humming in agreement. “I still miss that shit so much.”

The white-haired boy looked at Robbe, who also turned to look at him, and smiled. “Anyway… Thank you, for coming here with me.”

“I should be the one thanking you. I nearly refused, remember?” Robbe smiled. “I’m feeling really good right now. I think needed that.”

“Yeah, me too. I was… I was actually feeling really stressed out, but I’m feeling much better. I think I’ll keep doing this.”

Maybe it was because Robbe was feeling revitalized and happy and all, but he didn’t even hesitate in speaking again. “I know we’ve been through a lot and we’re just starting to be friends again but… you can’t talk to me. Don’t feel all of it on your own.”

“You probably have to a lot to deal with in the middle of this pandemic. Why would you want to burden yourself with my moods?”

“You wouldn’t burden me. Even if the feelings suck, it’s nice knowing you’re not feeling them on your own and you can go through them with someone else in this lockdown.”

“It’s different for me.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m sick.”

Robbe nodded and looked towards the dark sky. “Well, you don’t burden me. What have you been feeling?” 

“What?”

“Just tell me what you been feeling.”

Sander sighed. There was a long silence before he spoke again, his voice rushed, “I don’t know… Not good. I was fine, but lately I’ve been feeling down. Lost. Stressed. Even my art is crap right now. I’m not up for anything but at the same time I can’t to be locked inside my room without doing anything, so I keep doing things. I’m worried this is only the beginning.”

“Of what?”

At side Sander scrubbed his hands against his face. “One of my major depressive episodes. I’ve been stable for a long time, but with this pandemic… my routines are gone, I have a lot of free time and they keep extending the lockdown. I don’t know if I’m going to hold up till the end. I was even considering going back to my mom’s, but she would keep worrying and that would only stress me out even more.”

Sander went on before Robbe could say something. “I don’t want to… I’m doing everything to avoid thinking about it, you know? But maybe I’m just ignoring the inevitable.”

“Maybe it’s not something inevitable… maybe it’s not what you’re thinking. I mean… you only know what you’re feeling but… I think it’s normal feeling like that right now. _I’m_ feeling like that.”

“That’s what my therapist says.” Sander said like he didn’t fully believe it.

“Well, it’s _true_. Lately I’m feeling down, bored, anxious, stressed… so you’re not alone, that’s what I meant earlier. And that’s reason I keep focusing on school and chores all the time, but maybe… we need things that actually make us happy instead of just avoiding those emotions.”

“The house chores have been making me happy over last few days.” Sander said.

Robbe laughed, raising his eyebrows. “Really?”

Sander grimaced. “Well, more like… relaxing me and making me feel accomplished. Can you believe it? This is quarantine for me.” He snorted shaking his head. “I guess that… when I do them, I can focus on that and forget about everything, even for a moment.”

“That’s good.”

“Don’t tell Milan about this when he comes back though, or else… He’ll make me regret it. And you don’t get too excited either. It’s only temporary.” Sander said sending him a pointed look, his eyebrows raised.

“Yeah, okay.” Robbe rolled his eyes laughing. He quickly recovered and licked his lips a bit nervously. “Um… but you should be okay, right? Going out, getting some fresh air, doing chores… can you avoid…” He trailed off, suddenly feeling stupid.

“Avoid an episode?”

“Sorry.”

Sander only shook his head, smiling a bit. “There’s no way to know for sure… I guess you can only decrease the possibility of an episode by working on things you can control like… social interaction, food, physical activity, sleep… sleeping is the most difficult one. It’s something you should be able to control like… you only have to go to fucking sleep, but you can’t because of your thoughts, you know? Sometimes it’s impossible.”

“Yeah I get it.”

“Anyway, I guess I’ll have start managing myself really well. It sucks, but this is my reality…” Sander said in a resigned tone.

“If I can… if there’s something I can do… I’m here. You’re not alone, so if you want… you know.” Robbe trailed off, his cheeks reddening as he realized he was tripping over his own words. He was a bit anxious, hoping Sander wouldn’t think he was a big hypocrite or something. He really meant it, he really cared for him, always had. He opened his mouth to say this to him, but at the end he couldn’t make himself do it.

At his side Sander didn’t appear to feel dubious or skeptical though, he only nodded and grinned at him. “Thank you.”

* * *

Robbe yawned, stretching his limbs as he made his way out his bedroom and opened the door, wanting to get some water from the kitchen. Though he was feeling a bit sleepy, he managed to notice there was something different. It would be impossible missing the bright red cord hanging on the wall beside his bedroom room. He blinked thinking he must be seeing weird things but no, there it was.

What the hell?

Feeling fully awake now, he noticed a post-it in the wall and looked around in confusion wondering what kind of game Sander was playing with him, or was this a dream? He rolled his eyes and just took the post-it, two words scribbled on it: “ _Pull me_.”. Robbe raised his eyebrows as he looked the red cord, his eyes following its path until he lost his sight in the corner of the hallway.

“Okay…”

A slight smile curved up the corner of his mouth as he decided that this must be some random joke of Sander or something, before he indulged Sander and pulled the cord. Robbe’s head automatically turned around when he heard the sound of a bell, he pulled again and heard it again.

After a moment of hesitation and confusion he started walking, following the cord. When he made his way to the kitchen and noticed the table, realization took over.

“No way.” He muttered without believing it. At this point he was silently laughing with amazement.

Today was Easter Sunday.

Of course. With all the days blending together he just forgot about it.

And the kitchen table had been taken by bright eggs of all colors and sizes. His legs moved on their own taking him towards the table, his eyes taking in the chocolate eggs, the candies, the big chocolate bunnies with masks. Unbelievable!

A voice behind him made him jump in the spot.

“Look at that, seems like the Easter bells paid us a visit!”

Robbe quickly turned around and took in Sander in all his splendor in the early hours of the morning. His bed hair and all that exposed skin, he didn’t think he would get used to this. Ever.

“Sander… What the hell?” His mind spoke on its own, but he didn’t know what else to say, so he just stared at the table again and then at Sander, who was grinning as he made his way to the table.

“They’re great, don’t you think?” He commented, taking one of the chocolate bunnies. Robbe only gaped at Sander, still speechless.

“Sander…”

“Oh, right, Happy Easter!” He casually threw.

Robbe sighed and smiled. “Happy Easter. When did you even get all of this!?”

“Yesterday. I saw the chocolates and thought maybe you would like it. Nothing like sweet chocolate for these turbulent times, right?”

“They are for me?” Robbe blurted out in disbelief.

Sander snorted. “So greedy. They are for me too!”

Robbe only rolled his eyes. He opened his mouth, but instead turned around and feigned to inspect the table. Inside he was a fucking mess, his mind roaming over the fact that Sander saw those chocolates and thought about him, and then made him ring a fucking bell before he found this display of sweets. He didn’t even think he would be able to ask him out loud about that small detail.

When his chest and skin fell all hot, he realized he was overreacting and quickly swallowed, realizing he had to take a hold over himself before he embarrassed himself in front of Sander. He took one of the bunnies and pretended to be fascinated with him.

“This is really cool.” He smiled and sent a quick glance in Sander’s direction. “Thank you. You didn’t have to do it.”

“I really love chocolate. I would anything for it.” Sander simply said.

“Okay.” Robbe grinned and nodded. “Did you take good care of yourself out there?” He asked a bit hesitant, but Sander wasn’t upset, he only smiled and nodded, understanding he was just worried about him and not trying to be patronizing.

The satisfying crack of a chocolate being split resonated in his ears, Robbe turned in time to see Sander take a big chunk of the bunny’s ear to his mouth, and quickly looked away when his roommate moaned looking at him with pure happiness sprinkling in his hazel eyes. “So good!! Here.”

Robbe turned around and was surprised to find a big chunk of chocolate in front of his mouth, he licked his lips and hesitated before raising his hand and taking the chocolate. Robbe shyly took a bite from it, his cheeks red and some nervousness prickling under his skin as the chocolate melted deliciously in his mouth, but all his attention was focused on the guy beside him, checking out the rest of the candies in the table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1)When I started this story I wasn't sure how I was going to address Sander's bipolar disorder, but I started researching about it and some people with bipolar disorder started getting symptoms within 4-5 weeks, when the lockdown would be extended and things seemed very uncertain. They panicked at first, but were comforted when they realized it was normal, it didn't have to mean there was an episode nearing, but they had to put special attention to their habits, so this chapter is the result of that. Hope it does justice! It's important clarifying too that Sander will NOT have a major episode.   
> 2)There are ONLY three chapters left and a possible epilogue! I can't believe it! I'm going to follow the real lockdown dates in Belgium, so the story it's going to end on may 3rd. Whatever prompt, idea or suggestion of things you would like to read of Sobbe in future chapters let me know! I would love writing them if it's possible 😚
> 
> I recently started using tumblr again, so my ask is always open for you too: https://anicocat.tumblr.com/
> 
> Thank you!!! Saw that in a lot of countries lockdown is over already, so I hope you and your loved ones stay safe! ❣️


	6. Week 5.1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry!!! 😭😭😭 Took me long enough. As I told some lovely people (thanks, your messages kept me inspired and motivated ❣️😭, all of you, really) I crashed against the writer's block wall like real HARD. But it's finally here, this chapter is actually split in two because it got too long (bcs they finally have a heart-to-heart talk), so the next update will be in a few days, I'm just editing it a bit. 
> 
> Anyway, I can only hope this chapter is worth of the wait and the support you've given to the story. Hope you like it and that it's not getting boring 🥺It's from Sander's POV btw!! 
> 
> Warnings: Unhealthy thoughts (insecurities and self-esteem issues), sexual tension.

**S** ander returned his eyes to his easel, the canvas in front of him was as empty as it had been an hour ago. He still kept staring at it though, pretending to be focused when in fact he was doing shit.

Things had been like this over the last few days, and he couldn’t find some light at the end of this dark tunnel yet. Seconds, minutes were ticking… Shouldn’t he be doing something? Just _something_ , instead of sitting here wasting time. He just kept staring at the empty canvas. Had he been alone, his dramatic ass would have already thrown it to the other side of the room in a stupid, cathartic tantrum. But Robbe was here with him, and he couldn’t lose face with him.

Instead Sander stared at him. At Robbe, the responsible, focused guy he had for roommate currently working hard as ever on schoolwork. It seemed Sander wasn’t the only one stressed out though, Robbe kept shifting and impatiently tapping his fingers on the table. Careful of not making annoying noises, of course, because that was just Robbe.

Sometimes, when he would see the guy diligently working on house chores, just minding his own business, Sander felt regretful for making things so complicated for both. But At least that complication had made things better. They were even studying together like this, as if they had been good friends all this time instead of nearly complete strangers for weeks. He didn’t trick himself _that much_ though, because he knew there was something…

Sander looked up from his easel as soon as he heard Robbe’s deep sigh. The brown-haired boy rubbed his hands against his face before standing up and stretching his whole body. Sander’s eyes followed his motions, lingering on the patch of skin of his stomach that his shirt left exposed.

He focused his eyes on Robbe’s face, fast, determined and feeling kind of silly. “You’re done with homework?”

“That would be amazing, but no, I just need a break.” Robbe sighed.

“Good! You’ve been sitting there for hours.”

“I’m fine. Just a bit sore. Too much screen time.” He replied rolling his shoulders and neck, offering him a soft, tired smile. 

“You’re sore?” Sander looked at Robbe for a moment before standing up, his expression brightening up with an idea. “Come here.” Sander sat down on the sofa and patted the space beside him. Robbe stared back at him with a puzzled expression. “I’ll give you a massage.”

“A massage?” He repeated with surprise. “Uhm… It’s okay. Thanks.” He replied, a shy, adorable smile taking over his face.

That’s when he realized that maybe he’d been to impulsive because of his desire of making something nice for Robbe. But it was too late to take it back. Sander paused to look closely at Robbe, feeling relieved when he didn’t notice unwillingness or discomfort, just shyness. “Come, it’s just a small massage.”

“You don’t have to…”

“If I didn’t want to do it, I wouldn’t have offered.” He quirked up his eyebrows.

“Right.” Robbe licked his lips and softly asked, “Is it really okay though?”

Sander snorted. “You think this is for free? You’re giving _me_ a massage later, I could use one too. Come here.”

“Okay.” Robbe freed the lip he had been chewing. Sander waited, not really realizing his heart was racing and his whole body was tense, revealing the nervousness he refused to acknowledge. His eyes were fixed on Robbe. After making his way towards him and sitting down, Sander arranged himself behind him and faced Robbe’s back.

He looked at the shirt and opened his mouth but closed it fast. Asking Robbe to take off his shirt would make him a really stupid, clueless person. Absolutely not, he wouldn’t make of this something that it was not.

But he was already feeling self-conscious, it was difficult not to when they were just inches between them. It was as if his arms were moving in slow motion, any person that could see him right now would probably think he was being ridiculous. This was a big deal for him though.

His fingertips finally made contact with the soft, thin fabric of Robbe’s shirt. Sander could swear the skin trembled under his fingers. He rested his hands, feeling the hard, hot, thin body under them. Some panic started to settle in, the fresh, sweet scent of Robbe intoxicating him and his presence overwhelming him. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea after all, maybe Robbe would…

Sander snapped himself out of it and quickly started moving his palms around the tense muscles of his shoulders and nape. _Don’t make of this something it is not… Don’t make this about yourself._

It was so freaking tense, his shoulders probably carrying the weeks of pressure of homework, this lockdown, worries Sander couldn’t even imagine and inactivity. A little voice reminded him he hadn’t exactly made things easy for him in the first couple of weeks and guilt stirred his insides. But he forgot about himself and instead, focused on moving his fingers slowly, deeply, gently over the muscles.

The skin under his hands became hotter and hotter, as his fingers touched and moved over the soft skin of the back of his neck, the soft curls that had grown so much brushed his knuckles with each movement.

Some vague ideas kept nagging him. Like threading his fingers on those long curls or burying his face to fill in his lungs with that faint, fresh minty scent of his hair. His lips parted as he took in every detail of the visible skin of his nape and shoulders, each subtle movement under his fingers. Robbe’s soft sighs kind of grounded him, reminded him what this was about. It was about making him feel good, releasing some pain. His lips curved upwards when he heard Robbe groan.

“Is it okay?”

Robbe let out a soft laugh. “Yeah. It’s really good.”

“Here?”

“Yeah. Oww.”

Robbe half-laughed and half-groaned as Sander focused all his efforts there, his back vibrating under hands, tickling his fingers. “Is this good?”

Robbe hummed in confirmation.

“Thank you, for doing this.” He whispered after a while.

“It’s the least I can do for such… good, responsible student like you.” Sander smiled.

Robbe laughed at that, his curls shaking as he shook his head.

“What? It’s the truth. You’re a really good roommate too.”

“Do you want something?” Robbe asked laughing again. “Oh, right, that massage.”

Sander gave his shoulders a light squeeze. “Hey, can’t I just give you a compliment?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Robbe laughed.

“I’m serious, your back it’s so tense. You’re working too hard. What about doing things that actually make you happy?”

“Doing…”

“Doing homework doesn’t count.”

“Yeah, okay, I always get easily carried away with school and it’s worsened because of lockdown. I need… _we_ need to take more breaks.”

“Me?” Sander asked, his lips quirking up.

“I noticed you’re putting… this face whenever you’re trying to paint these days.”

“What? What face?”

“You’re like… glaring that thing, drilling holes into it. You look really stressed out.” He shrugged.

Sander only blew out a sigh. “Yeah, my inspiration fled through the window or something. I guess it’s because of the lack of stimulus.”

“Stimulus?”

“Yeah… I like to go around the city, visiting old buildings, murals, galleries… That stuff would usually refresh my mind, but right now I’m locked here most of the time, so there’s not a lot of…”

Sander paused, looking at Robbe’s brown hair, ironically thinking that the only noteworthy thing in the flat was the boy in front of him. But it didn’t matter. It had been months since Sander allowed himself to mix art and Robbe. He didn’t think he would ever finish mourning all those wasted beautiful sights he never got to preserve in some way. “Anyway, I’m taking my cycling tours now, so I guess it’ll come back soon. But I’ll take a break too.”

“Yeah.”

“Speaking of cycling? Why don’t you come along tonight?”

Sander thought Robbe would probably hesitate, but he surprised him by agreeing fast. “Yeah. I could use some exercise.”

“Okay.” Sander happily replied.

He’d loved going out to restore his mind and tire out his body, the road ahead of his eyes the only thing that mattered in those moments, but nothing would compare to that first time Robbe accompanied him. They were free and happy, and he longed for those sensations whenever it was possible. It reminded him of an era that appeared almost out of his imagination now. He liked to think that those feelings were slowly coming back as he and Robbe got more comfortable around each other, but maybe he was being too hopeful. It was very probable things never got to be the same. Not really. At least not in the way he yearned.

But it was also true that he didn’t know what to think these days anymore.

Robbe turned his neck to see him with his soft-looking eyes and smile, stirring a strong feeling of wistfulness that got caught up on his chest. It had been a long time since… “It’s okay now. Let’s switch.”

“Great.” Sander replied in autopilot, lost in his sudden misery. “Don’t worry, I was only joking.” He added, noticing Robbe was still waiting for him.

Robbe furrowed his brows with worry. “I don’t… I would like to do it.”

“I know.” Sander reassured him. “But for now, just relax and rest for a bit. You’ll give me my massage another day.”

“Okay. Thank you.” He whispered. 

Sander stood up, casually stretching out. “I’m going to take a break from painting. I’ll see you later okay?”

Robbe only nodded, looking confused because he could probably notice Sander was being weird. Unfortunately, Sander had to walk away to lock himself in his bedroom. He collapsed on his bed and buried his face under the pillow, feeling a bit ashamed for making things weird out of nowhere. His thoughts made him feel sad and the idea of Robbe running his hands on him was the final straw. If he’d stayed there, he would probably have ended up crying or something.

When he decided to spend a _freaking lockdown_ with Robbe, he was _kind of_ aware of what he was doing, but it didn’t take him long to realize he didn’t know what he was signing up for. Not really.

* * *

Without even noticing, Sander smiled as he watched Robbe excitedly stirring the creamy pasta sauce in the pan.

“It smells and looks so good.” He was giggling. “I think I got it right this time!” He declared, his voice pleased and proud.

“Don’t get too excited, remember I’m the one who gets to decide if it’s good.” Sander teased him. But it was true the smell was rich, delicious and Sander was also feeling excited and happy for him. This guy, as neat and hard working as he was for house chores and schoolwork, was a mess in the kitchen for some reason.

Sander attributed his poor performance to a mix of inexperience, clumsiness and apprehension. He had seen him watching tutorials, but when he got to do the real work, his hands became slow, clumsy, and panicked, the steps entirely forgotten.

“Okay!” Robbe only laughed and took a small spoonful of the sauce. He blew it some cool air before taking the spoon towards Sander’s lips. With their gazes locked, Sander opened his mouth and the rich flavor of the sauce exploded in his mouth.

“Good?” Robbe impatiently asked.

“Mind-blowing.”

Robbe giggled rolling his eyes. “I’m serious.” Sander said as he grabbed another spoon and took a bit of the sauce. He blew it some cool air and made Robbe taste it, watching as he wrapped his lips around the spoon and licked it clean. Robbe moaned, and his brightened eyes looked at Sander in awe.

“Amazing, right?”

“Yeah!” Robbe whispered in amazement. “Sander, I did it! I could finally make a decent pasta!”

Sander laughed watching Robbe look all pleased, happy, soft and just fucking beautiful under the warm, yellowish light of the kitchen. “It’s more than decent.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. You’re amazing.”

Robbe grinned and Sander noticed some sauce in the corner of his mouth. His hand moved on its own and wiped it clean with his thumb, making Robbe giggle.

“God, you’re so… beautiful, you know that?” Sander breathed out. “I love you.” He blurted out, letting himself get carried by his excitement and his happiness.

“Sander…” Robbe whispered, his dark eyes staring at him in shock.

“I know…” He calmly said, a soft smile on his lips. “I know you don’t love me back, but it doesn’t matter, I just want to love you. Will you let me?” Sander softly said.

“What are you even saying, silly man?” Robbe giggled, tenderly taking his face between his small hands. His lips curved in a beautiful smile and his dark eyes were looking at him with a warmness and softness that almost made Sander cry. “Of course I love you too. Do you know how much I hoped you would say that?”

“For real?”

“For real. I love you too.” Robbe wrapped his arms around his neck, sent him a toothy grin before giving his lips a hot, wet peck. He giggled when Sander couldn’t hold himself and gave him a full kiss, the most delicious, richer kiss that any possible food in this planet.

They held each other, Robbe stroking his hair, soothing him, making Sander feel like the most safe, comfortable person in the world. Sander buried his face on his shoulder, listening Robbe whisper the sweet, tender words he’d always wanted to hear. And Sander did too, he poured his heart all for him, spilling all the feelings he’d being keeping safely tucked deep in his heart…

Sander woke up with a startle, his eyes abruptly opening to meet endless darkness, leaving him in feeling disoriented and lost. Once he realized he had been dreaming and he was back in his room, he quickly turned on his bedside lamp. How the hell could he casually go back to sleep after a dream like that?

He sat up on his bed and looked at the dim lit wall in front of him, seeing it without really seeing. His mind busy replaying the ridiculous dream he just had. He should have known it was a dream the moment Robbe managed to cook something so delicious out of nowhere. Sander scoffed, smiling fondly at the recent memories of Robbe trying to learn to cook without Sander’s guidance. It was improving, but it wasn’t exactly what you would call good.

He just couldn’t understand how someone so methodical and trustworthy as Robbe could have such poor performances when it came to cooking, but it was also true some people didn’t have in themselves certain things. Sander didn’t think it have in himself to be so consistent and focused in schoolwork like Robbe and it wasn’t exactly because of the lockdown or his moods, his mind was so disperse and sometimes just lazy. 

Sander rubbed his face as his thoughts eventually started to analyze that weird, silly dream, some fear and longing squeezing his heart. He wasn’t exactly afraid of dreaming himself saying I love you. That was something he’d knew for a long time (though out of self-preservation he rarely allowed himself to even think about it). What worried him was the frequency of this dreams.

Dreams of Robbe being so soft, caring so much about him, saying the words he desperately wished to hear. Sometimes he’d even had some weird, horny dreams he didn’t even want to reminisce, because they made him feel like a perv. 

He wondered if these longing dreams made of him some kind of loser. Probably. But he guessed it was natural something like this happened, after all, spending so much time with Robbe was making the feelings he always knew were there, resurface, and he supposed they had to find some outlet.

He wouldn’t call these dreams exactly nightmare at all, but he wasn’t elated either. Robbe wouldn’t leave his mind and heart ever, not even in his dreams. And he would wake up feeling like a mess.

Sander remembered Robbe’s gaze a couple of days ago, those tender dark eyes. Nobody had looked at him like that before.

* * *

Sander was convinced he fell in love with Robbe the moment he came across a picture in the living room while Milan was showing him around the flat. It only required an innocent picture in the living room of Robbe, Milan and their former roommates, Zoe and Senne.

He became instantly fixated with the boy with wavy brown hair, shyly smiling at the camera. He looked so happy, so vibrant, so soft. He’d remembered wanting to keep examining the picture, even run his fingers over the guy in the photo like a creep, something that luckily, he avoided to do only because Milan started talking about him.

Milan told him his name was Robbe and that, if Sander ended up moving in, he would be his other roommate. As Milan kept chattering about Robbe being a sweetheart and that they surely would be good friends, Sander felt his heart taking a leap of excitement. He almost even told Milan in the spot that he would move in, the brown-haired boy being his foremost motivation. And it was something fucking ridiculous, because he hadn’t even met him in person; but that was him, always blindly following the impulses and signals his heart gave him. For the better and the worse.

Most of the times his heart was in the right path though, or so it seemed in that moment because, when Robbe arrived to the flat, looking disoriented in what was supposed to be his own living room, Sander just felt this strong pull and fascination for him.

He would never forget the silly look he sent him once he spotted him a beat too late, as if Sander had suddenly landed on earth before his eyes or something. He definitely felt like landing on earth in that moment, or more like crashing, after drifting among the stars for a long time, dreaming, hoping he would find the person meant for him.

He breathed fresh air he didn’t know he needed; the guy talked, and it was like hearing music again after a really long time; and he smiled and the stars, _everything_ he’d admired for so long quickly faded away from his heart.

His heart, everything in him, screamed in that moment he was the one. And the guy just had to send some curious, shy, lingering stares, to fuel his yearning for him. After that, he just followed his heart impulses.

Maybe that was the problem.

He crashed back to earth without holding back a bit and went after him like someone deprived, someone that had been longing something for a very long time and couldn’t control himself now that it was in front of his eyes.

He’d followed his heart impulses. In that moment, it felt right, good, if Robbe’s cute, shy reactions were any indicator. He felt so happy, doing whatever his heart dictated him, pouring out all his heart for him for the first time in his whole life. He wanted to impress him, to know him, to make him smile, to have fun with him. But it was possible that he became too much. It was possible that he was too intense, too clingy, _so much_ , he overwhelmed Robbe and scared him away.

He realized it too late though.

By the time Sander realized that, their relationship had already deteriorated, and he was in a “relationship” with Britt; dating her was the only solution he could find to move on, move on from his confused and disenchanted feelings. He and Britt had met each other through mutual friends a while ago and although she had already expressed some interest him, Sander never returned it. After his big disaster with Robbe, he felt kind of comforted by the acceptance and interest she gave him, but quickly learned he wouldn’t get somewhere with her. They weren’t compatible at all and Sander kept comparing everything he felt to what he used to feel with Robbe.

It wasn’t even close it…

The love and inspiration he felt to draw him. The impulse of doing crazy, fun things with him, like that one time they went to do some grocery shopping and made the shopping cart like a fucking amusement park attraction. Sander probably wouldn’t do something like that on his own, but with Robbe he just felt free, comfortable, happy and safe. Where was all of that? He experimented it all only to lose it without warning or a reason and realizing that frustrated him to no end.

Things weren’t supposed to be like this. This wasn’t supposed to happen. He wasn’t supposed to be with Britt either, so he broke up with her, not wanting to lie to her anymore. He had also noticed Robbe was behaving kind of cranky whenever she was around so that gave him hopes that maybe Robbe did like him after all. But he was wrong again. Robbe just started "dating" some other guys (he got to know that through Milan and it was crushing). He just kept wondering why and he quickly answered himself with his own, worst fears. Maybe he was too much after all, too passionate and impulsive, something that clashed with Robbe’s calm, chill demeanor. Maybe Robbe didn’t think about soulmates or deep connections, and that was perfectly okay for him, except Sander didn’t get the hint until it was too late.

It wasn’t like he could feel angry over that, even though he wished Robbe would have given him an explanation. But he never did, and Sander didn’t ask for one either. Sometimes he felt kind of grateful for that, because hearing Robbe confirming his worst fears and insecurities would probably have broken him. Maybe that was the reason he never explained himself, after all, despite his disappointment and frustration, he firmly believed Robbe was a nice guy who wouldn’t say those things in his face. He was a guy with a serious lack of communicative skills (Sander couldn't figure him out easily) but an amazing guy anyway. 

And who was he to complain about that anyway? He didn’t do anything either, opting to keep drowning in his self-pitying speculations instead of talking.

The following weeks turned into months and instead of confronting it, he thought about it over and over, successfully confusing himself even further, to the point he wasn’t even sure Robbe had liked him in the first place, or at least not _that much_. Not like him.

His heart, or whatever, didn’t care about that though. That thing refused to let go. He’d constantly remember the grinning Robbe in the picture, the Robbe who mistook him with one of Milan’s flings, the clumsy Robbe who forgot to turn on a stove, the embarrassed Robbe who could barely look up when they made that mess in the supermarket, the shy Robbe who would look away and rush to his room every time Sander would run into him after a shower, only wearing a towel around his waist.

The one who would giggle and give him that shy, happy look every time Sander flirted with him. That was the shy, cute guy he had fallen for, the guy Sander refused to let go even when all hope was lost, even if they fought all the time like two little brats.

Then the lockdown happened, Robbe stayed and after Sander recovered from his shock, he concluded it was really suspicious. He _really_ tried to not make it about him, maybe Robbe had his own reasons, but some hope grew inside him anyway. Maybe everything wasn’t lost, maybe they could be friends or something. Anything was better than this precipice that had emerged between them. So he decided he would give it a try, just to see what would happen and nothing else.

He actually hadn’t even planned to stay the whole quarantine in the flat, just a few weeks to have some space before he went back to his mom’s, so if everything went to shit, his original plans wouldn’t change. He wouldn’t lose anything, but maybe he could win something.

Unfortunately, he quickly discovered that things weren’t that simple. Because it turned out Robbe didn’t want anything to do with him for some unknown reason and despite Sander really tried to be fine with that, he couldn’t. 

He was so fast in giving this a try, and it was for nothing. His first couple of lockdown days were almost torture for him to the point he almost ran back to his mom’s like a little kid. It was so painful, finally understanding that Robbe didn’t care about him. Not even a little. He was nothing for him and proof for that was that he had locked himself in his room like he didn’t even exist. His interest of solving things were all stupid imaginations he’d made on his own.

Why was he like this?

Why he couldn’t let him go once and for all? He should have left as soon as he knew Robbe would stay too. But he stayed.

He felt so stupid sitting in that silent flat, feeling alone and hurt. And it was all because he couldn’t move on, he couldn’t stop clinging onto a guy who didn’t about him. But it was so freaky and confusing because Robbe wasn’t that cold and indifferent, he was a nice, warm person, and he was sure that at some point everything was so amazing between them, so why?

He just wanted some answers.

Maybe that was the reason he couldn’t let go. But at this point, he was only torturing himself. Robbe didn’t want to do anything with him and it was okay. It was time he accepted that and stopped hurting himself.

He’d been ready to get out of the flat. That was his decision, until Robbe started lecturing him about rules and behaviors, and something inside of him snapped. Sander remembered feeling so angry and frustrated, though he didn’t know if those feelings were directed towards Robbe or himself. Maybe both. Maybe he was frustrated with Robbe because he wished he would have given him some clarity, and maybe he was frustrated with himself because he wished he had the courage to ask for that clarity. He wouldn’t be in this situation if he had some clarity.

And why, after weeks of avoiding each other, he would stay quarantined with him only to keep ignoring him? But maybe it wasn’t really Robbe’s fault, right? It was all on him. He still refused to let go after all this time, but Robbe probably was only living his life or whatever he was doing here, sharing the flat _with him_ , as baffling as it was.

He once again tried to be fine with it but ended up snapping anyway. After days of avoidances and all business attitudes he snapped, thinking that Robbe hated him after all. Maybe all those stupid confrontations had deteriorated their relationship to this point and there was nothing that could be done.

When he realized he didn’t know what the hell he even was doing anymore, he had talked to Milan and he made him realize it was so unhealthy. _You’re only hurting yourselves and making it worse. Fix it or let it go, but don’t go through the same route_ , he had said.

That was something he definitely didn’t want to do, so he tried telling Robbe that and things finally started to get better. In the way, he reflected about a lot of things. Sander thought about the nonchalant, insincere attitude he initially showed to Robbe, saying they just should try to leave in peace and cooperate as roommates instead of telling him the truth. Instead of telling him he missed him, so much, and that he was desperate to fix things. He thought about the way he made things worse with his messy antics and the way he demanded Robbe to stop arguing and avoiding each other.

He thought about Robbe believing it was for the best staying away from each other because they just argued. Maybe if he had been honest since the beginning about his intentions, Robbe would have felt more comfortable around him, or plainly reject him. But Sander lied and dragged things. He didn’t reassure Robbe or really tried to live in peace and instead, acted like a kid when things didn’t go his way, unable to find a better way to handle the situation.

He was only thinking about himself, his pain, the past, the answers he never got and how much he wished things were different. He understood it when he saw Robbe sad face, saying that he was sorry and felt bad about everything. He probably felt too bad and guilty from the start and Sander didn’t exactly reassure him, perpetuating this mess.

Someone had to give up, or else, their relationship would break for good. Robbe did. Robbe did when he specifically told him he wanted them to be friends and move on. And who was Sander to demand or ask for something else? His heart yearned for something else, but maybe this was life telling him to stop forcing things. If something was meant to happen, it would happen. Maybe he and Robbe wasn’t meant to happen, but it didn’t have to be the end of the world even if it felt like it. Life was giving them this second chance. A friendship.

Not having _anything_ of Robbe, not even a friendship, would be the _real_ end of the world though so he just went along.

Things got really good after that. Sander focused in what he had right now and learned there were still other ways to cherish and enjoy him. It was really amazing, finally being able to be good to him, instead of just hurting him. That was the only thing he needed to start being happy again. Sometimes he would feel streaks of sadness though. He loved him like he had never loved anybody.

This quarantine only served to enhance his feelings and brand in his heart all the reasons why he never gave up on him despite all the pain. They both were just two idiots who needed to do more real talking and that was it. He got to know more sides of Robbe he never got to see after their relationship became strained. It was crazy. They fought so much over house chores and Sander was so annoyed at first, but now it was kind of endearing and fun teasing each other about that.

He could say that maybe it was only the quarantine, maybe he would walk out of this lockdown not wanting anything to do with cleaning the dishes and the fucking bathroom, but he would also walk out of this lockdown loving Robbe even more than before and that was scary.

There was nothing he could do though. He would have to endure, because a life without Robbe was out of the question. He wouldn’t ruin this friendship after all the willpower and effort they put in to fix it. This was good for him, made him happy. Maybe he didn’t have what he wanted, but he also wanted what they had now.

* * *

Sander didn’t know what the fuck was going on.

His fingers were moving awkwardly and clumsily on the game controller, not keeping up with all the things happening in the screen. To be honest, he didn’t even think his eyes were keeping up. Everything was going too fast, his reaction was too slow, and his hands were even slower.

It was a bit embarrassing, really, since he’d said he would be acing this game and all, but oh well… at least someone was having fun. 

He threw Robbe a side glance, who was cackling at his side, but kept his eyes glued to the screen as his fingers effortlessly moved in the game controller. “Sander, what the hell are you doing?” 

“Your idiot friends won’t give me a fucking break!” Sander sighed, his area of the split screen turning to bloody red. Again. His character had been killed off out of nowhere, not even giving him the chance to fucking react.

This was a stupid, bloody game Sander couldn’t care less about. It wasn’t even fun. What was the fucking point of blowing off the heads of some characters over and over again? For Sander, the point of the game quickly lost its novelty, but yeah, he wouldn’t even try to possibly understand gamer’s minds.

The real problem was that he was being killed off over and over with Robbe’s friend’s minimal effort and it was beyond humiliating. Not because he cared about those guys opinions, no, it was because Robbe was seeing it all and he was also losing because of him, since they were on the same team. 

“Yeah… It can’t be helped, you’re a sitting duck!” 

“Well, they surely are enjoying it way too much.”

Robbe giggled. “Not really. You’re even worse than Aaron, the minimal effort they have to put on you it’s not even funny.” 

“Gee, thanks.” Sander scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“That’s why I asked you like ten times if you were sure you wanted to play!” Robbe laughed.

Sander couldn’t help but cackle at that. It was the truth and now, he was kind of regretting it. 

It had all started when he was on his bedroom trying to do some sketching with no avail. Over the last few days his inspiration had disappeared off the earth, but he would still force himself to draw and draw until it came back... somehow. Unfortunately, his inspiration wouldn’t care about his efforts, and the results were just crap. 

At the end, he just took off his headphones, cursing as he glared at the piece of crap laying on his desk. _This wasn’t it_. When he recognized his fastidious, frustrated feelings, more annoyance at himself prickled under his skin.

Then he heard those giggles.

Those giggles that were the death of him, but also gave him life. Sander sighed and looked up at the door of his bedroom, the corners of his mouth curved up almost automatically.

Sander stood up, quickly forgetting about his failed sketches scattered on his desk and made his way to his bedroom’s door. He stopped on his tracks a moment later though, his hand on the door’s knob as his mind said one word: _Don’t. Maybe a bit later._

But Robbe was laughing and Sander wanted to see him, wanted to know what was going on. It was his permanent tug-of-war between his self-control ( _Robbe will think I’m annoying or that I still have feelings for him_ ) and his neediness of Robbe ( _But I just want to take a look, I won’t do anything_ ).

Nothing extraordinary happened this time. Sander hesitated for a moment before he came out of his room anyway. He only would take a look, only a look.

Robbe was in the living room, game controller in hand and a big grin that took half of his face. His brown, wavy hair had grown longer over the last few weeks and his messy curls we’re all over his head like a big crown. He looked so happy and beautiful and that warm feeling he’d always associated only with Robbe flooded his chest. 

“Hey, what’s up?” Robbe said when he noticed him, taking off his headphones and looking at him, still with that unbelievable smile on his face. And it was amazing because, as fascinating as it was seeing a focused, serious Robbe doing schoolwork for hours, nothing would compare to the sight of seeing him happy, enjoying himself. Sander wished Robbe would take more breaks, but he wasn’t exactly the right person to say that either.

“It’s nothing, I’m just taking one of those breaks we talked about.” He grinned, casually shrugging, like he just didn’t come out after hearing the calling of those laughs.

“Yeah, me too.” Robbe replied, then rolled his eyes. “But you surely must have noticed that, of course.” He mocked himself. 

Sander grinned and he looked at the screen. It was split in four and displayed the game characters were running, jumping, sliding all over the place and even running on walls as they shot and threw grenades. Just looking at it made Sander feel dizzy and lost. “Jeez. What is this supposed to be? What are you doing?”

“Team deadmatch. Me and Jens against Moyo and Aaron. The team that has the most kills wins.”

“That’s it?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Okay.” Sander said and casually sat beside Robbe at the other side of the couch to watch them play. “Can I try?” Sander asked a few minutes later.

“For real?” Robbe looked at him in surprise.

“I’m bored.” 

“You must be really bored. I thought you didn’t see the fun in killing _people_.” Robbe mocked him.

“Yeah… I’m very bored.” Sander replied shrugging. 

Robbe laughed, shrugging. “Okay, Aaron almost has to go, he has some workout date with his girlfriend. You can take his place.” 

“Okay.”

“Are you really sure you want to play though?” Robbe laughed, splitting his attention between the game and Sander like a pro. 

“Why?” 

Robbe shrugged, biting off a smile. “It may be a bit difficult for you.”

Sander snorted. “What’s the difficulty? You just have to press some buttons. Have some faith in me!” 

“Sander, that’s exactly what somebody who doesn’t have a clue about games would say!” Robbe cackled.

Sander wasn’t intimidated though. He was an artist, for god’s sake! His hands were good, and he obviously had good observation skills. That had to count for something!

And he told Robbe exactly that. “I’m a fast learner. You just wait. I’ll ace this game.” Sander finished smirking. 

Robbe proceeded to explain him how to play and Sander watched closely every moment of his hands and his face. Amused, Sander would raise his eyebrows every time Robbe would stumble over his explanations. Robbe would blush and say he wasn’t used to explain, the movements just came to him automatically.

It didn’t matter anyway, since Sander wasn’t exactly thinking about the game. His mind was all over the place as Robbe smiled and explained the game. He was so beautiful and soft-looking he just wanted to hold him.

Then he remembered those dreams he’d been having and grew a bit self-conscious and embarrassed. He wondered if the guy would even want to be near him if he knew what kind of things he was doing in Sander’s dreams or the feelings were laying under his skin.

Fuck.

It was a bit difficult focusing his mind in the game after those thoughts, but he managed to do it, even if it didn’t pay off. Sander’s character was again being perforated by endless bullets, blood spraying everywhere as he fell dead. He was revived instantly but made no movement. 

“Are you giving up?” Robbe laughed when Sander just sighed, gloomily staring at his corner of the split screen. The guys were still running and shooting everywhere.

Robbe was even talking to him and his friends, but his fingers kept easily pressing the game controller buttons. Sander took a moment to appreciate him again, his smile as he cursed at his friends, his sharp jawline clenching in concentration, his Adam’s apple bobbing, his pink tongue sliding along his lip, his eyes following the screen movements in a way Sander couldn’t even manage to do. 

It was hot, so fucking hot. Sander was actually thinking watching Robbe playing some war videogame was hot. Quarantine would be the end for him. Definitely.

“Never. We’re in this together, right? I can’t let you down!” Sander said in a dramatic manner, half-joking, half-serious, making Robbe laugh again. 

After deeply breathing in, he rubbed his hands together in a dramatic gesture and started playing again. He would fucking do this. Looking him act like this, Robbe probably would think he was a sore loser or something, but he couldn’t care less about losing… he just wanted to prove Robbe he wasn’t _that_ useless. If Robbe thought he was completely useless, he wouldn’t want to play with him again, right? He would use well any chance he would have of having a fun time with him.

“Yes, yes!” Sander howled a few minutes later, throwing his arms in the air. His character fell dead once again, but at least this time he’d managed to drag Moyo’s character with him. 

“Nice! You’re getting better.” Robbe nodded in approval. Sander calmed himself down a bit realizing that, by the way Robbe was looking at him, his dark eyes sprinkling with amusement, he was taking this too seriously. He blushed and tried to smile so hard.

The next time happened the same thing. Then Jens killed him first. Then he took a lot of damage too but managed to kill Moyo first. 

It was satisfying seeing his character successfully taking cover of the bullets, or sliding or jumping into windows like a fucking pro. They still lost, Sander had been killed way too many times before he actually got a clue of what the hell he was doing, but at least the defeat wasn’t that humiliating. 

“I guess you’re not that hopeless in videogames” Robbe teased him once Moyo and Jens went offline, leaving them “alone” again.

“Of course not! I’m an artist, these hands are precious and amazing.”

“Alright… Then you want to play some more?” Robbe laughed.

“Uh… yeah, but maybe another game?” Sander asked.

Robbe cackled. “Alright. I think I know a perfect one.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is really reaching it's end now... Next chapter we'll finally have them talking. 
> 
> Special thanks to isakistheone for the massage idea 😚


End file.
